Because I said so

Bittersweetness

2012-02-11T22:33:00.000-05:00

Today was the last day of Boot Camp. I am happy yet every time I outwardly proclaim my happiness I feel that I should be ashamed of myself. Only a fat and lazy person would be happy that their strenuous yet very beneficial workout regimine is over. That class really did a lot for me. It was my first time working out since being pregnant my first child and it was my first time away from my daughter since she was born.

I attended four of the six weeks, which was eight of the eleven classes. And from those eight hour long classes I lost 4.6 lbs, 3.5 inches off my waist and 7 inches from my hips. I didn't join boot camp to loose weight so I am pleased with those 4 lbs, I joined boot camp to drop this baby flab, tone these muscles and fit back into my pre-baby jeans. And by golly dropping those 7 inches from my hips definitely did the trick.

I am so amped about that because a person like me, who eats whatever, whenever went half ass in a hard core fitness class and still got results. This only shows me that I will be a BEAST when I am finally ready to eat right and lock in, that is if I can ever find a trust worthy and reliable babysitter of course. {Sigh}

Valentines Day buffoonery

2012-02-10T23:17:00.000-05:00

Which heart are you?

Valentines Day is days away so the stores have been filled with the usual red, pink and white cards, candies, bags and bears. What is a little new (to me at least) is the abundance of the color black. What is not surprising is that the selection of masculine Valentines Day items are in major demand and sell out way faster than the pinkest of the pink items. Now that of course is because of two main reasons: The women gifts come in a much heavier shipment and men buy gifts at the very last minute. That is the few men who don't dump their girlfriends before the "holiday."

Bet you didn't know this my faithful Chicago friends, Sweetest Day (or Sweeties Day as I call it) is not known outside of the midwest. Yep, me and all my Chicago friends were at work saying Happy Sweetest Day and these Georgian's had no clue what we were talking about.

Sweetest Day was founded October 8, 1921 in Cleveland, Ohio by Herbert Birch Kingston who was a local candy company employee. His purpose was to bring cheer and some happiness to the lives of those who were often forgotten.Celebrated on the third Saturday in October, we were raised on the basis that is was a Hallmark holiday, the male version of Valentines Day when in actuality it was a day solely created by a candy company employee to increase sales of sweets.

So ladies, instead of bombarding your local Walmart for black bags to conceal a gift for your boy, try whispering sweet nothing into your state's ear about Sweetest Day so we can have Valentines Day all to ourselves again.

The 5 C's for Women (agreed on by Men)

2012-02-09T00:02:00.007-05:00

There are many things that make up a good woman. I believe these five C's are the Cream of the Crop, pun intended.

1. Cook, said the woman who doesn't know how to cook. I love the idea of cooking and I know men do too. I would love to learn how to cook and I will, as soon as I get my own place because I damn sure ain't burning down someone else's pad. I once improperly cooked a frozen pizza... as an adult! But that's neither here nor there. Every woman should know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

2. Clean. We all know that men are messy and lazy so a woman who is messy and lazy would only result in a house full of mold, funk and insects. Clean the dishes after you cook, make the bed every morning, wash and fold the clothes ... if that ain't a catch I don't know what is.

3. Cheese. This one is an easy one for me because I love to smile. There are so many things to smile about. You being pleasant will put him in a better mood no matter the situation and if you're as cute as I am when I smile, you will make him want to kiss those pretty little lips. And trust, he'd rather your lips be curled in a smile that twisted up in his face talking that bull.

4. Commend. If you man is doing a great job at showing you that he loves you, commend him. Let him know that you are paying attention and that you too love and appreciate him because you know darn well he could be doing a whoooooole lot of other things. Show him that his hard work has not gone unnoticed. A little thank you goes a long way.

And last but certainly not least:
5. Classify. I am lead to believe that every man wants a woman who can be classy in the streets and trashy in the sheets, so classify speaks directly to that aspect but also to classifying a situation or another person. Don't get down and dirty gutter and curse like a sailor, that is way way unattractive. Also don't hang with woman who do those things, bad habits wear off and you are (what you eat and) who you surround yourself with. Classify your self, your decisions and your crowd.

Any questions?

No Pain, No Gain

2012-02-08T00:05:00.002-05:00

We go through lessons in life to build us into this better, smarter, wiser more experienced person but sometimes we fall victim to stupidity that blocks ourselves from taking that lesson and turning it into the learning experience.

For instance, if you are in a bad relationship with someone who you KNEW were bad for you in the get go, the lesson should be to try until you can try no more, go through the rough and ugly breakup, hurt... TERRIBLY and learn from the mistake of choosing to date someone that you KNEW were wrong from jump street. Learn from the mistake of going hard for someone who were not going hard for you or your relationship. Learn from the rough and ugly breakup that you should never leave yourself that vulnerable. Learn from the time spent that you could have been doing so many other things with your life and since you're not getting any younger, make the best out of your life while you are young and beautiful.

That's what SHOULD have happened and from that you move on to live another day and date again. The secret to life is living and learning that pain will be there, so use it to your advantage. Embrace your flaws and redefine what they are and who you are every time you hit a wall. Don't dwell on the past, live it, learn it, lose it and love your decision to do so. No pain, no gain.

Question

2012-02-07T23:29:00.003-05:00

How has computers replaced tvs, ipads replaced computers, cell phones replaced alarm clocks, ipods replaced radios and texting has replaced talking...

But I have not replaced you?

5 Breakup Rules

2012-02-07T00:16:00.005-05:00

I've had a few relationships in my life and if you haven't figured out from that statement alone, I've had a few break ups as well. Now I am in no way an expert at relationships (because if I were I would be married right now), but I am a journalist and a I have a male best friend so I'm pretty well informed. Well enough to ensure you that there are five sure fire breakup rules and if you don't stick to them you may not only loose your man, but your sanity as well.

DON'T SEEM PITIFUL, even if you are dying inside, singing love songs, kissing old photographs of him, digging for his clothes just to bury your nose in, keep that between you and those clothes. Try not to answer his calls on the first vibrate and definitely don't blow up his line either. The less contact the better, never let him see you sweat. Never let anyone see you sweat for that matter.

KEEP UP A GOOD FRONT. Those nosey neighbors don't need to see you throwing his clothes out of the upstairs window. Keep your business to yourself! And don't go crying your eyes out to your best friend who happens to be his little sisters, cheer leading coach's daughter older sister. That is just a recipe for disaster, girlfriends and grapevines = gossip so keep your cries on the inside and let the outsiders stay out! But trust me, you must

CRY IT OUT. But only in the confines of your own home. Keep your composure while in the public but give yourself a good week of long no Kleenex bawling to let it all out. It is a form of purging the old so that you will have a space available for the new. Because once that week is over baby girl, you must let him go. But letting him go does not mean you need a replacement just yet

GIVE YOURSELF SOME YOU TIME. Just because Mr. Right made a left turn doesn't mean you need a Mr. Right Now. Take this time to be a slob and lounge around in your pajamas. Do some yoga and tune into your inner self. Take up a hobby or just get some much needed rest after all that crying! You never knew you could feel so good being single but guess what... You can and you will as long as you

DON'T GO RUNNING BACK at the drop of a dime. Sure that week apart has made you stronger which usually means that it has made him weaker but just look at the progress you've made. Be very rational in your decision making. Maybe you do want to be back with him but do it on your own time and with your own rules. Make this a new and improved relationship, not an extension of the last so that this will never happen again.

No crunchies tonight

2012-02-03T00:44:00.004-05:00

Lisa and I ditched boot camp today. Not only because we didn't have baby sitters, but because, and I will go ahead and speak for myself on this one, when I am mad about something, it is hard for me to do anything other than be mad.

I am away from my daughter twice a week and it is for a great cause, my one hour hard core fitness class. My father babysits my daughter on Thursday nights when I go to class and my boyfriend's father babysits her on Saturday mornings when I go.

The first Thursday went well. It was just my daughter and my Dad. Second week, it was my daughter, my Dad and his baby mama. Umm, side eye but okay. Third week we skipped because Mallory and I were in Chicago but week four... (deep sigh) week four would have been my daughter, my Dad, his baby mama AND my fresh out of the hospital baby sister. Key words: Would have been. I couldn't let this go on any longer. One add on is quite enough but two, and then next week three and you know where I'm headed.

Now I am in no way throwing shade on my newest baby sister because she is not the one imposing, but when I ask for my Dad to baby sit, that is ALL I want, not him her her and them! Why can't a sister just get what she asks for, nothing less and definitely nothing more.

Mums the word

2012-02-02T23:35:00.002-05:00

Do you like to argue?
Do you think that being silent in an heated discussion is better than going back and forth in an argument?

Being silent in an heated discussion can help dissolve the issue because there is no back and forth commentary. No comment for them to prolong the conversation or get more angry at you for saying out of anger.

My best friend believes that being silent in an argument would only make him more angry because the point of an "argument" is being able to say what's on your chest and allowing (or not allowing) the other person to do the same.

Arguing is nothing but a headache. A good debate however is right up my alley because I (like most women) think that I am always right so I like to know why you think the way you do. But a long drawn out shout fest... you can have that crap man. I will zip my lips, roll my eyes and take the L because it is not worth my serenity nor my sanity.

When in an argument
I feel
that the best thing to say
is nothing at all

Question

2012-02-01T22:41:00.003-05:00

I am a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason." The problem is figuring out what that reason is and why it is happening to you at that particular time.

There are many obstacles that have appeared in my life in the past three years that probably would have never came about had I stayed on the beaten path. But who follows the rules nowadays? It is truly when you step out of line to do your own little two step do you approach a challenge and teach yourself how to tussle.

My question now is, how long am I supposed to tussle ?

A Mallory Milestone

2012-01-29T22:27:00.003-05:00

Man my daughter is growing up at lightning speed. She will be four months in six days and she is already pulling herself up into a sitting position and rolling herself over. She had already been trying to talk and raising her body up from a belly position for a while now. I mean it is truly amazing the growth she has made in such a short period of time. I am both amazed and afraid. Everyone in my family says she is advancing because she is moving out of the way for the next child lol but I really believe that all of the love and attention I give her is paying off. The ability to breastfeed exclusively and be with her all day everyday has been an experience working mothers can only dream about. I am truly blessed to be able to be with her and watch her grow. You all are missing out.

A new generation

2012-01-29T22:06:00.004-05:00

It is mildly disturbing to witness my Mother's interaction with my younger siblings. She was so hard on my sister and I when we were growing up and now she is soooo casual with these two. I mean on one hand I am proud of her for allowing herself to loosen up and be both a friend and a mother but on the other hand, in this year of 2012, you can't be too loosey goosey on these heathens because children are messy.

I don't know, maybe I'm low-key jealous because they have such a good relationship. Or maybe I fear that my Mother's kindness is being taken for a weakness when I hear her telling them to do things and them ignoring her. I honestly take it as a form of disrespect and my poor mother, she doesn't even go back and forth with them, she's so worn out.

But these kids must stay in line because without guidance, discipline and structure my little teenage sister who looks the same age as me will be in the same boat as me sooner than she should, if you know what I mean and I know you do. Let's pray for the best.

Meet Mallory part 2

2012-01-24T21:29:00.002-05:00

I have been in Chicago for the past couple of days and I have really been enjoying myself. It is such a relief to be around my family and for them to volunteer to take my daughter from me and give me a break. I don't know if I told you all but my child is a handful. She is really spoiled and she screams VERY loudly. All in good manipulation because she stops as soon as she is placed in my arms... most of the time.

My mother and sister hosted a Meet Mallory party for my Chicago friends and family. It was very nice and Mallory got a lot of much needed things: clothes, diapers, wipes, money and most of all love. I so appreciate all of my family and friends who came. It means so much to me, they probably would never understand how grateful I am to have such sweet and loyal friends. My mother does not live close to any other them, everyone made at least a half an hour drive in the freezing cold, a day after a snow storm. Love those guys.

As if kids don't have enough problems

2012-01-17T15:40:00.003-05:00

I have a cousin who is mixed and I remember how jealous I used to be of her growing up because she was so pretty with her fair skin and long beautiful hair. What I didn't know at that age is all the pain she had to endure for those very reasons.

It's hard enough being a kid, but mixed children tend to have it a little harder because they are more than one race and may continue live a life of torment way beyond school age depending on which race they chose to identify with.

I remember being teased because of my glasses, because I was skinny but most of all because of my name. People would call me Ariel the little Mermaid, Oreo (because it rhymes with Aerial) and Earl because it's the fast country was of saying Aerial. It's funny because I am far from school age and I am still being called Earl but I love the nickname now and I adore the three people who call me that nickname. I said that when I had a child, she would have the simplest name, like Amy so no one would misspell it or scrutinize her but as you can see, her name ain't no Amy but it isn't Bonquesha either so hopefully the tormentors cut her some slack.

My daughter is of mixed origin as her full name definitely shows, but I doubt that she takes the race her name sways her in although she is around her multicultural side of the family way more than my single raced family. I really don't know why I feel that way either. Your perception of who you are is often swayed by the people you are around and the people in which you identify with. Who knows what my child will do but whatever she chooses will be fine with me because we made her this way. I just hope I don't have to be the Momma coming up to the school playground in her fuzzy house coat trying to beat up the little girls who will pick on my daughter.

Fall through

2012-01-17T15:20:00.004-05:00

I hate when people tell me something that they were trying to surprise me about. I don't know why I hate it so much but I'm going to try to figure it out right now, while talking to you guys.

It's as if the person is not capable of doing anything on their own. Why couldn't they follow through to the end? Would it had hurt you to try a little harder? It would have been such a nice surprise, me finally getting a gift I knew nothing about. Doesn't that sound a lot better than me getting something kind of, sort of like I would have gotten if things would have worked out the way you planned them before you told me about the surprise.

Huh?
Exactly.

Proper Guest Etiquette

2012-01-11T20:22:00.007-05:00

There is a such thing as guest etiquette my dear friends but I don't believe any of you know how to use it. Sure everyone knows that you should ask before doing almost anything in someone else's home but what if you are a regular? What if this home was your home away from home? Do you think that the rules no longer apply to you? No? Well you're wrong.

No matter how many times I go to my "in laws" I always put my coat, bag and daughter's things in one particular spot in the living room by the door. Although they sometimes take my coat and hang it up, I personally do not like to go into people's closets to insert or retrieve anything because once something is out of place, you're the first person they look at. Not at all implying anything bad towards my "in laws" because I love them and enjoy their company BUT it is there home and I am a guest so I act as such.

Did you know that you should take your shoes off when you coming into someone's home with white carpet or in the home of someone with small children? Ok sure you did but did you know that is it utterly rude to walk into a home where people are already congregating and not speak to everyone?

Wanna know what really grinds my gears? People who take showers at other people's homes and washes their bodies with those people's bar soap. How disgusting!? You are to use liquid soap, you filthy guest. No one knows what these people or you for that matter, do in your unseen quiet time so using someone's personal hygienic items is hitting way below the belt. If there is no liquid soap, get yourself a good squeeze of that dish liquid and lather up.

Lastly, it is very improper to be a guest in someone's residence, come at dinner time and eat them out of house and home. If they make a small plate, you should make a small plate. Your plate should never exceed weight or circumference of the home owners. That's just plain rude. This is a topic that certain people should research further to learn the ropes way before staying at someone's home because improper guest etiquette is very tacky and it causes you to be their guest one time and one time only.

A Mallory Milestone

2012-01-10T22:27:00.006-05:00

My daughter is fourteen weeks old today and on this day she drank four ounces of breastmilk from a bottle! It has been torture but I have been pushing a bottle down her throat twice daily since she refused to eat in my absence on Saturday.

I don't want my baby to starve but I do want to be able to leave her with family while I take a few hours to better myself. So I had to do it and I am very pleased with her today, lets just hope she continues on this path in making life a lot easier for Mommy.

Don't bite off more than you can chew

2012-01-10T13:37:00.003-05:00

So we all know that sometimes our eyes are much bigger than our bellies and we sometimes ask for more than we can eat. But how about when our hearts are much bigger than our hands and we bite off way more than we can chew?

This past weekend I babysat three of my six sisters. Now mind you, I have a three month old at home so one child would meet my quota but they come in a package and just one is not enough. The three sisters are Erin, my favorite sister, who is one and a half years old and my eleven month old twin sisters, Aaliyah and Aniyah.

Whew, just the thought of them took me back and gave me a headache. Erin wasn't bad at all, she listens, understands and tells you when she has to use the restroom. Those twins though, in their crawling, walking, whining, begging, playful stage proved to be way more than I can chew with my cry baby in tow.

But it was fun and I was glad I could help but Lord knows that won't happen again anytime soon. Maybe when my baby is able to crawl or maybe just the twins or maybe never again... either option is fine with me.

Oh Happy Day

2012-01-05T21:02:00.004-05:00

My baby got her first shots today.
Now we can travel. Praise the Good Lord.

I thought it would be worse but it actually went pretty well other than the fact that the establishment was ran down and full of hot ghetto messes. The doctor and nurse was really nice and professional so because of those ladies and ONLY because of them, will I return to that hell hole of a doctors office.

First of all when I placed the initial call the receptionist was rude! She spoke with a stank attitude and responded with a drag that only meant she was rolling her eyes at the same time. She then began to speak to the doctor next to her, while I was talking to her, without even saying hold on maam or pausing the freakin phone. How disgusting is that?

She had very little patience with me, which is unacceptable for a person working in a darn children's clinic. But to top it off, she gives me the address and hangs up the phone without saying thank you, you're welcome, goodbye, feliz navidad... nothing. She lucky I was too happy that my daughter's insurance had just kicked in or I would have called back and gave somebody some words.

Why are BLACK establishments always ghetto?

Rotten Eggs

2012-01-05T09:55:00.004-05:00

So I'm trying to get my daughter acquainted with her teddy bears and her dolly's but I think she doesn't like them because they don't respond to her. She is used to human interaction because I am always talking to her and since the age of eight weeks, she's been cooing and laughing back at me.

I sit her in her playpen with her fuzzy friends and it starts off good. She is talking and waving until those words turn into cries and waves into hand tantrums. When I walk over to pick her up she smiles and I could swear she says "later losers," but it could just be me.

As much as I would like a big family, I am now interested to see how my child would be if she were an only child. I know that it would be very beneficial to her in long run but right now I just can't see her doing well on her own. She can barely sit for two minutes without attention. She thinks that she is entitled to a peasant toting her around like a princess. Que her Daddy.

Teenagers

2012-01-03T16:58:00.005-05:00

So I have a teenage sister and to be frank, she isn't the sharpest crayon in the box. I'm actually starting to think that all children her age are that dumb though, just look at her friends comments on her facebook page. Yea and about that facebook page, which I doubt VERY seriously my mother knows about because she is oh so protective; my fool sister is on there leaving her texting number on people's general page!

What's a texting number you ask? Well she does not have a phone yet but she has an iPod and she is able to text on that. So I texted her around 10:30pm and said "Go to sleep!" She replied, "????? Who is this" so I decided to play a game to see if she is as gullible as I think she is. I said "Who is this?????" She surprisingly said "... U txted me lol." Good job little sister. So I kick it up a notch and said "Yea but the person I texted should know who I am so maybe this isn't who I think it is. So who are you?"

Guess what this child said.
Yep, you guessed it.
"Lol I'm amber... Who r u?"

FAIL. How could she be so dumb yall? That's the oldest trick in the book, well at least it is for a person who loves to snoop. I reply "No you're a fool. This is your sister 1) Stop giving your number out on the Internet because it's dangerous. 2) Don't tell people who you are! Especially if they texted you! If they don't know then they shouldn't know." I added a third but that's neither here nor there. She replied "Ahhahahahahahhhahahaha Ur stupid lol!!!" Which leads me to my next observation about teenagers these days.

Everything is a joke. lol, lmao, lbs, lbVs. Shut yo laughing tail up and pay attention to what's going on around you child. I love her to pieces but man, was I that clueless when I was her age?

Friends, How many of us have them?

2012-01-02T22:57:00.005-05:00

Good friends are hard to come by.

Today Lisa, my roommate of three years and friend of seven years threw a Meet Mallory party since I was not able to have my baby showers because of my daughter's persistence to enter the world early. I had not even thought to do anything since the cancellation of my baby shower because I have been so enthralled in getting settled and making sure my daughter is okay with the new move. But that didn't stop Lisa from having something for us. Wasn't that sweet of her?

Good friends are really hard to come by and I am so blessed to have a friend like Lisa because only Lord knows where I would be without her. Lisa's boyfriend is a blessing as well, he is always willing to help out and he keeps a smile on Mallory's face and a laugh on my lips. Lisa's son, who is my Godson is my breath of fresh air when Mallory takes me down with her endless cries. I thank my extended family for the continuous love shown to Mallory and I.

You can't find friends like her I tell ya, shucks you can barely find family like her. My own Father whom she called over and over, did not show up to the party for whatever reasons and he lives 30 minutes away! But I said that my New Years resolution was not to worry about grown folks so hey... it's their lost not ours, Mallory and I will be alright, in large part to my wonderful friend Lisa. Thank you.

Check In

2011-12-30T21:52:00.006-05:00

Today my daughter gave me the works.
She cried all day, for no darn reason.
All in my ear, louder than a mickey fickey.

Hey friends. I've missed you. It's not that I was on strike from writing, I was just allowing myself and you good people to enjoy your holidays without the pressure to run to a computer and check me out (smiles). But this child... on this day... whew. I needed her Daddies help today but he works at a night club so he thinks he is supposed to sleep all day.

Anywho, how was your Christmas? Mallory got way more gifts than I thought she would but way less than I wanted her to. Her Dad bought her Christmas gifts a while ago but in transit from New Orleans to Atlanta he ran off the road into a ditch and wrecked his car causing us to loose everything in it. So it was great to still be able to celebrate his life and her first Christmas after such a horrific event.

I can only hope that your New Years will be all that you wish as I end mine with my closest Atlanta friends and my number one girl, with her cry baby butt. Until next year...

The Magical Checklist

2011-12-23T20:31:00.003-05:00

What are the three things you want your ideal mate to have?

Being in a relationship is hard work. You have to maintain a life of your own while incorporating this new person and all of their ways, likes, dislikes, habits and beliefs. If you have had your fair share of relationships you should know by now what you want your ideal mate to be like. Now I'm not talking about the typical "I want a tall, dark and handsome" or the "He must be kind and considerate" answers. I'm talking real life stuff. I think I'm pretty simple.

1. I would like a thinker.
A man who is willing to sit and weigh the pros and the cons of a situation before diving in head first. I have been in relationships where the guy acts or reacts so abruptly that he surprises his damn self and that's a damn shame. You should know what you are capable of and you should know what result will come from the things that you do way before you do them. I can't take a man who will get a fat check, blow it on impulse and be broke the next day. Guys you can blame my pappy for ruining this one for you.

2. I would like a man who is well balanced.
A man that will allow me to live a little and laugh a lot. There are very few people that are able to take vacation every month so a surprise destination every blue moon would be nice and a good laugh every day wouldn't hurt. Everything is not so serious all the time, one should be able to make light of something at least once a day. He should have a strong mind and a light heart.

3. I would like a true provider.
Women have so many jobs in a relationship but nothing is more manly than being a provider and protector. Just like Marlo said on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, "A man knows what a woman needs." You need to be able to take care of yourself as well as me, even if we are both able bodied. At some point I will want to stop being the independent woman and instead be the fairytale housewife but that's only if you are more than capable and happily willing to be the bread winner and provider.

My male best friend's magical checklist:

1. A woman who is ready to build a family.
2. A woman different from himself, who can expose him to new things
3. A chick who know how to be a woman: make sure dinner is cooked, needs are met
4. Someone all for me, someone who goes hard for her relationship

I believe that the best teacher is experience and once you are in a relationship with a person who is so wrong for you, you begin to realize that you hate certain things that you may have thought you could deal with. You come to know who you are and who you want to spend the rest of your life with. So what things do your magical checklist contain? At our age, it's something to really think about.

Best Kept Secret

2011-12-22T22:23:00.007-05:00

I have a secret...
You don't know what it is. But you already know what it's about. You just don't know that you know.
Well I'll give you a clue.
It's a she.
Her name is Mal.
And I want her all to myself.

The less people know about you, the less they can hurt you, so I want to keep the most important person in my life all to myself, for fear of going to jail behind her.

I have not introduced her to Facebook because lets be honest, Facebook has gotten out of hand. It used to be fun, now everybody and they grandpaw on it, soliciters, weirdos and worst of all nosey ass, messy ass people. People that you wouldn't want in your immediate life... so why would I want to throw my precious little pumpkin face in the mix?

I DON'T!

And you guys know me. You know that I love me some pictures honey. But there is something that I love sooo much more than my hobby and I want to cherish every minute with her because it's personal, it's private and she deserves her exclusivity. She's my best friend right now, my best kept secret.

No outsiders allowed.

To the lame who loves to be "in love"

2011-12-21T22:24:00.006-05:00

I have this one ex friend who is in love with a new broad every month. The man can't be alone for even the slightest second. He would conclude his breakup with one woman by crying in the arms of another woman. I have known him for all of two years and he has been with maybe five mains that I have met and 20 of them behind the scenes.

He's a pretty boy heart breaker and it's sad because the real heartbreak lies within himself. He masks the pain that he has self inflicted by surrounding himself with beautiful women all the time. And he really goes all in. Only a lame would want to be in fake love so darn much. Can't you start with loving yourself? Once that daunting task is complete he will in turn find the one to truly share his love with. Or so the story goes. Until then he will continue being the needy, greedy, lonely but never alone, lame ex friend of mine.

The Big Age Difference

2011-12-20T23:03:00.002-05:00

So how many of you all have been in a relationship where there was a major age difference? Was it better if you were younger or older than your partner? My mother always told me to get a man older than me so I could be taken care of, but I was never into older men.

There are many occasions where one would wish they had a young hot tender or maybe an old sugar daddy but living everyday like that... nothing that I would recommend to my worse enemy. You fight about the things the younger man does, the things they older man wears and always how they were raised, be them young or old.

After college I decided to do things a little different and listen to my mom for a change. I met a few older guys in the club and at work and I gave them a second of my time, allowing them to take me out to dinner but it was never more than that because I was simply not interested. I just did it to say I had done it. I hated being seen with an older man because I didn't want to look like I was using them for money or that I was being used for sex. So one date and I was frank about being a single date because I was too busy for a second or simply not being interested. But the thing about older men is... they never stop.

This one guy was so persistent it was disgusting. Sending flowers to my job, meeting me at the nail salon just to see me and even buying my girlfriends and I drinks with a $100 bill and making me keep the change. Come on old guy don't be that desperate. You're just begging to be used and I know a lot of girls who would love a relationship that like but I'm sorry, I'm not one of them. I will take my young hot tender with a minimum wage job and a beat up impala over an old crusty the crab sugar daddy any day.

"To Jam or not to Jam," church edition

2011-12-19T21:05:00.006-05:00

So I went to this church yesterday for the second time since moving back to Atlanta. The very first time I went, I was pretty impressed at the abundance of people, especially young people up bright and early for the Lord. But with yesterday being my second time there, I see why I liked it so much the first time and why all the young people gather there week after week. They dilute the good word with the glitz and glam.

Now I am in no way trying to be struck down by lightning nor am I trying to discredit the church for their hefty turnouts but I am saying that golf cart rides from the parking lot to the front door, a cool cafe and a kids play room would sway favor from the best of them. And don't get me started on the service... smh, lets just say it is a drastic change from the quiet, organized hymn singing, Bible based word I grew up on.

There was a live band, composed of young adults singing three VERY LOUD and interactive gospel songs before the preacher jumps on stage with his blue jeans and blazer. He only spoke for maybe a half an hour, running off scriptures and telling good jokes only to make way for another performance from the band. That concert, I mean that church was very interesting (to say the least), but I am a little too old to be swayed by bright lights and catchy songs. I have real problems so I need real help, not a jam session.

December 18

2011-12-18T20:55:00.006-05:00

Today is my home girl Shana's birthday. Two years ago today I was on my first date with this little light skinned number that I now call my boyfriend.

Two years and two days ago I met my him in the club. The day that I consider to be our anniversary. And although we neither celebrate or even acknowledge the day, we were together for it this year. I remember it as if it were yesterday...

I had taken Shana out for her birthday, both of us still fairly new to Atlanta. Took her to Pearl Bistro and Bar for two dollar Tuesdays. I saw this yellow boy in VIP. He had a colorful plaid shirt and he seemed very reserved compared to his counterparts who were standing on sofas and what not. The trickery I tell you. Because he is definitely the bad seed of that bunch...

Now two years later we have a beautiful baby girl. Even more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. So I owe Shana, even though I was the driver that night, she was clearly the reason for the outing and the reason that I have this little person currently yelling my ear off as she is fighting her much needed sleep.

Thanks Shane and Happy Birthday.

Saturday Interlude

2011-12-17T22:00:00.004-05:00

I think we're going to treat this thing like a full time job. I will post every weekday and on the weekends you will just have to miss me... unless I post small things that are on my mind for that day. I don't know yet family, I'm still getting back into the swing of writing on a regular. I must admit that I am enjoying you all, your time and your comments so don't fret, I will return. Have a good weekend. See you on Monday!

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

2011-12-16T19:16:00.005-05:00

I had a nice fluffy, positive post in mind for today, but my positive thoughts were bombarded by negativity that I know will hit home for all of us: liars.

I put emphasis on liars and not the actually lie itself because usually it isn't the words that hurt you, it's how the liar said it, what they lied about or the mere fact that they needed to lie in the first place.

I'm sure everyone would agree that little white liars aren't that bad. It's when they turn into bald face liars that you start to regret allowing them to lie to you in the first place. The type of liar that will look you square in the eye, with the straighest of faces and lie. The type of liars that won't admit the truth until you catch them dead in the middle of a lie. Them reckless, tasteless, tacky ass liars...

When the panties and bras don't match

2011-12-15T17:37:00.011-05:00

Now people I have said a few times here, on Facebook and on twitter that matching braws and draws are super important to me as it is a reflection of who you are as a person.

I have really took some time to sit down and evaluate the severity of the situation and I find that women who care if their finger nails and toe nails are matching would definitely care if their undergarments are matching. That is unless you are a fronter and stunner whose outside appearance is only for catching men when clearly the lack of camaraderie in the undie department shows just how unsuccessful you really are.

Now the great pantie and bra debate begins with this question: Do you buy your underwear from Victoria Secret or from Burlington Coat Factory?

If you tend to be the Vicky's shopper then you know that a lot of the separates can be mixed and matched, that is if you are not into buying the set initially. If you are a bargain retail shopper then Marshalls, Target and BCF are your best friends with the $1 hollers that come specially laced with an infections from all the hands that have touched them before you. Trust me, I was a supervisor at Burlington Coat Factory and my sister a supervisor for Marshalls, so I know.

True, your underwear does not and should not always follow the red red, blue blue syndrome BUT it should definitely not look like the Star Spangled Banner nor a big bag of neon sour worms. I know many a women who could care less and would quickly say if a man is THAT concerned then he may play for the other team OR if a man is THAT concerned then he should be buying me some. Both of those comments bring forth a good argument.

Just because a man is concerned about the color, pattern, texture and material of your underwear does not make him... okay maybe if he cared about all of those, yea, but the color is important. Matching is apart of style and if my man does not have style, he does not fully serve his purpose in being my man (I will elaborate on this more in an upcoming post).

Okay and do you really want a man buying you underwear? I say no because they will either be too big, too small, too uncomfortable, too thin or too darn cute to wear. And he WILL want you to wear them all the time, which calls for a lot of washing, which equates to a faded crotch and a lint balled booty. Now who wants that?

5 reasons why Men don't want to get married

2011-12-14T22:45:00.009-05:00

As I slowly inch up in age, the thought of marriage creeps closer and closer to the forefront and being the blunt and inquisitive person that I am, I have come to a clearer understanding as to why men are not just on another page but in a whole different library all together.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, let me start by saying that there is a slight difference in younger men and older men until the older man is divorced, then they are once again in the mindset of the young man. This post is strictly based off of the mind of a young man via the mind of a young woman.

5. No peer pressure: There are very few social pressures to get married. No one is buzzing around in the ear of a little boy pressuring him to be a good man when he gets older so he can find and marry a good woman. Women are informed of marriage from the very beginning and are often pressured by their mothers, grandmothers, the old lady from church and even taunted by younger women who have married before them. Since they don't have to worry about their biological clocks, men say they want to wait until they are older to settle down, get married and have children.

4. Instability: Men have been taught to hold their own though, so if a man is not financially stable, nine times out ten he won't be interested in marriage. Being a good man unfortunately doesn't equate to being a parent and a spouse. It is instead perceived to mean he should be self-sufficient. A man should be able to feed and clothe himself, before struggling to provide for a wife and kids and without the help of mom, dad and definitely without the help of his girl.

3. No example set: Papa was a rolling stone, Prince Akeem was told to go sow his royal oats and even my closest male friend said he would rather have a few kids with a few girls rather than get married. Young men don't have young married men friends to hang around and get positive influences or positive reinforcement that the married life is indeed the good life.

2. Change is bad: There is nothing wrong with the way it is now, especially if they are shacked up, there is no need for change? Men can get all the comforts they need without making it legal, so why buy the cow when the milk is free? Marriage will require too many alterations, compromises and responsibilities that they are not quite ready for. Woman make it too easy, too comfortable, too ideal. And instead of a man seeing the potential in the woman, he sees the ease and accessibility of a live in or stay over every night type of girl, which brings me to my very last and most important point:

1. Women are easy: They come a dime a dozen, in all shapes and sizes. If one wont go, the next one will. If it is hard to find "The One" they build their dream woman with a variety of women to cater to their every needs. Some women are even fool enough to know that the man is in a relationship but continue to creep on the side simply because they are lonely themselves or because they have already blew their chances of being marriage material so they settle for the side gig. When men get lonely, all they have to do is call up one of their many women. By calling the one that they’re going to be able to spend the night with and leave before cuddling time is ideal and a lot of women allow that nonsense.

If we want change, we have to enforce it ourselves or by the power vested in me, I pronounce you single forever.

Down for the cause

2011-12-13T00:23:00.009-05:00

Are you down for a reason or just down for the cause?

I used to think that leaving a bad relationship was being a quitter and that if I stuck it out I could possibly fix whatever was broken when in reality the best solution to a problem is to eliminate an aspect. Whether that aspect be eliminating something in the relationship or eliminating the relationship entirely... it just has to happen.

One has to ask themselves if they are really down for a reason or if are they just down for the cause.

Innie Minnie Minie Moe

2011-12-12T23:57:00.004-05:00

Everyone will always have an opinion about how you should raise your child.
I knew this before having mine and I'm going to know it in more detail if I continue to have more children.

Last week someone told me not to lay my daughter on her belly to sleep because she could suffocate herself. The week before that someone told me not to lay my daughter on her back because she could choke on her saliva or throw up. I believe both of these statements to be true but you have to choose one, so which one do you choose?

What's even more irritating is when you have different child rearing tactics than your significant other. It can be so frustrating to want to please someone by doing it their way when you know good and darn well your way is better.

Sometimes you just have to let the baby cry their ears off before they would ever listen to your suggestion or just say to hell with it and take you, your beliefs and your baby elsewhere.

"Take that, take that," I say in my Diddy voice while doing the Harlem shake.

It's different when it's your own

2011-12-11T19:55:00.003-05:00

If the good Lord didn't bless me with such a beautiful and healthy baby I would still be one of those hard-asses who despises parents that spoil their children and snarl at the sight of a child throwing a temper tantrum in public. But, as I come to you tonight, typing this very post with one hand because my spoiled baby is in my other hand, I sadly admit that I finally understand the saying "It's different when it's your own."

Although I would never intentionally harm my God son or any of my siblings for that matter, I have to admit, I have been a little hard on them simply because I hate bad kids and I would (normally) do anything to make them strong and selective in their reason for crying. But now as I am going into my 10th week of being a first time mother to an uber spoiled baby girl, I can't imagine punishing my child with my strict beliefs simply because her father and I have spoiled her.

In my defense though, the doctor said "breastfed babies tend to be spoiled because of the body to body interaction during feeding time." So I have MY excuse, her father on the other hand has single handedly (wink wink) ruined my poor child and finagled her mind into thinking that she should cry for nothing, when Lord knows every child isn't always crying for a reason.

My daughter is only a baby so her tantrums in public are easily brushed off with a little stroller rocking and a smile but as she ages that act will be a complete embarrassment for me because she has the lungs of an opera singer and it ain't getting no easier no time soon. I can only pray she learns some self control because mean God mommy and the disciplinary big sister has been replaced by the one armed multitasking mother of big mouthed Mallory.

I can only sigh and shake my head as I admit, "It's different when it's your own."

Pain is Love

2011-10-18T05:54:00.005-04:00

So she's here. My little angel is here to show me what it is to really live and appreciate life.
She is two weeks old.. It feels like forever because I've been breast feeding.
Oh the wear and tear on my poor breasts. I feel the pain for not only breast feeding
mothers but also women with big boobs as I am forced to buy larger bras, as I
feel the strain in my neck and the aches in my back. Having big boobs are not at all
what it's cracked up to be. I can't wait to introduce her to a bottle.
A bottle full of breast milk of course but a bottle none the less.
My poor body needs a break I tell you.

Her name is Mallory. She was born at 11:56pm, right before midnight just like her mommy.
She weighed 6lbs 13ozs and was 20ins. Now she is 8lbs 13ins. Can you believe she gained
two whole pounds in two weeks!? Crazy right?

She is gorgeous. She looks just like... Both of us lol. I just stare at her. Watch her nibble my boobie until she falls off to sleep. Then she starts to smile as she dreams and talk to the angels. A really big, beautiful, mouth full of gums smile
that always makes me smile too. I am exhausted but I'm so so happy.

Raging Hormones

2011-09-16T22:43:00.004-04:00

I used to be such a writer
I used to be an avid reader
I used to be so skinny

Boy how things change

I used to be a workaholic
Before that a shopaholic
Now I can't wait to drop this load so I can be an alcoholic

I used to be so passionate
I used to know so much
Now I just don't care

Maybe it's the hormones

6 more weeks

2011-09-13T10:04:00.003-04:00

It feels so good to be pretty again.

I have going through a rough stage in my pregnancy because instead of caring about myself and my appearance, I have been far more concerned with my health and my baby. I of course don't regret that but by gosh it sure is refreshing to be typing yall the word from my hot pink and freshly manicured fingernails. My toes are smooth and hot pink as well. Eyebrows are clean although they are little too think for my taste, beggars darn sure can't be choosers.

All I need right now is a hairdo. I had been planning to get micro braids for the baby shower and delivery of the baby, but that idea is farthest from my mind as I am sporadically reminded of the pain of tugging on my brain and the numbness my poor tushy will feel. I just don't know what to do now but I have to act fast, as I preparing for travel, yet again.

I only have six more weeks people, yay Mallory!

Blog Search

2011-09-01T09:29:00.002-04:00

Sometimes when I am bored and un-enthused
I blog search
Today's blog search led me to this wonderful discovery
It's not kindergarden it's kindergaten!

The first kindergarten in Hungary was founded on May 27, 1828 by the countess Theresa Brunszvik in her residence in the city of Buda under the name of Angyalkert (Angel garden).

I'm glad I found this out before becoming a mother.
Thanks to The Felter Family

Note to Self

2011-08-31T05:04:00.003-04:00

Instead of the typical "baby book" that I have already started to make for my child, I will alternate non eventful days with letters to her, like what I was thinking about her, what she was doing, how she looked and of course I will have pictures :)

I got this idea from a blog I just passed by
La Buena Vida
and I was really inspired.

All I have to do is buy another baby book for her, I have all of the materials. This time I think I will buy a spiraled one so the book will have some room to breath with all the things I plan to glue and stick in it.

That just made me think of going to the bookstore and hanging out in the maternity section, just to get some knowledge and a new scene... yeah... but not with this hair. I have to wait till this weekend to see if I get enough ends to get these ends clipped or better yet, get some micro's. But it may be too early for the micro's. I should wait until the baby shower September 24 so they will be fresh. Then maybe I can get some pregnancy pictures taken... hmmm.

So much to think about. So many thoughts at 5am too. Funny.

Pregnancy Scares

2011-08-31T03:58:00.006-04:00

It would seem that since I am knocked up and out of work that I would be talking to you guys a whole lot more but the only things on my mind are baby related. I feel like no one would care about my and my pregnancy stories because quite frankly, when I wasn't pregnant, I didn't care about yours.

A good journalistic male friend of mine said he would rather hear about my pregnancy stories than my relationship stories lol, so here goes:

Pregnancy Scares

Woe to the easily queasy mothers who can't stand to change a diarrhea diaper (Lisa)
or who would later throw up at the sight of bright pink and never ending baby throw up (Lisa)

As I embrace the lessons that I learn from my 18 month veteran roommate Lisa, I count down the days to which I will be held responsible for my own little snot nosed rascal

My Godson has so much character, much like his parents, that I sometimes dread to see the monster-piece that he and I have created

But other days I am overly excited and what she will look like and whose scholastic genes she will inherit (please be mommies)

I pray everyday that she stays securely in the oven until go time
Lightly in lieu to my Daddy's Baby Mama who is on hospital bed rest, five months pregnant with my twin siblings

There are so many things I want to do differently next pregnancy
Which is funny to say because only one of my 11 girlfriends has more than one child so it's not like it's the trend, it's really just what I want to do

At seven months in the womb, she doesn't kick much anymore because the walls are caving in on her
But you can see her as she moves about gracefully as if trying not to disturb me

It's such a beautiful thing, birth is
I CAN but I can't wait to meet my daughter
Hopefully I will be measure up to half the mother my Mother is to me and my Sister is to my Niece
God Willing

Letting Go

2011-08-27T23:56:00.002-04:00

Only weak people hold grudges
If it's old, let it be over with, let it go
Everything happens for a reason
There is a lesson in every mistake
You live another day
It's very likely that you'll make a new mistake
But never the same
Never again
Today I'm letting go
Making room for my blessings
Today I'm letting go

My mystery

2011-07-25T01:16:00.005-04:00

When will he learn that being parents is like being partners?
Being in a relationship means we are equal to one another.
Being in love means we not only give shit but we also take shit.

When will he learn that practice makes perfect, not redundancy?
Giving up is no longer an option at this point.
Giving your all doesn't leave you empty handed because your getting my all in return.

When will he learn that things are meant to be discussed?
It's not your way or the highway because you are no where near perfect.
It's not abnormal to have something to say a response to what you just said.

When will he ever shut his mouth and open his eyes?
When will he ever listen AND understand?
When will enough ever be enough?

When it's too late?

Aging

2011-07-11T00:42:00.004-04:00

Today I turned 26.
On my 26th birthday, my child turned 25 weeks in the womb.
I celebrated the day before so today was for relaxation and reflection.
I have accomplished a lot in my 26 years but it took this last year to show what I was really made of.
My Aunt Valencia called and said I'm almost 30.
Lol.
I just turned 26 and now I'm 30.
I remember when I was turning six, turning 13, turning 21.
I thought about all those birthdays today. I thought of what my 27th birthday would entail. I will be a mother then.
Wow.
I will be somebodies mother.
This year I celebrated in New Orleans, LA.
Last year I celebrated in Atlanta, GA.
Year before that I celebrated in Carbondale, IL.
Hopefully I will be in Florida next year.

Today I turned 26.
I don't feel 26. I just started settling into 25 a couple months ago and now I'm 26.
Thank God for allowing me to see another year.
Happy Birthday to me :)

Where am I?

2011-07-02T08:14:00.004-04:00

Why is being in a relationship so hard?
Why can't everyday be a replay of the first time we met?
Talking on the phone all night, trying to set up dates for the next day.
Asking questions, getting answers.
Learning. Sharing. Having fun?

Why what was once a choice is now an obligation?
What was once fun is now mundane.
What was once pure is now tainted.
Puppy love tainted by rough and powerful, full of emotions and heartache, attached
at the hip but head turned the other way in disgust love.

What happened to fun aerial?
Strong aerial? I'm right and never wrong aerial?
Why was she fired and replaced by take everything too serious aerial, cry to get my point
across aerial, whiny voice and permanant sad face aerial?

Where was she at all along? I never remember meeting her before.
Did she even come in and apply for the job or did you just conjure her up to put in place of me?
Of course you didn't. She was always here. Just buried. Out of season and for a reason.

I think it's time for a late but very important Spring Cleaning.

Honey Chile

2011-06-12T20:25:00.003-04:00

So I have been contemplating this whole baby thing.

Like man, who will this kid be like because Daddy and Mommy are soooo similar that one more of us will definitely be too many egos in one household. Hopefully he/she gets some of their aunt and uncle in them: have a little tack and reservation. Or hopefully some of their grandparents: lively and interesting.

I had been calling my child a he the whole time. Not necessarily wanting a boy over a girl, it was just default. We just found out yesterday that he... is... a she!

Daddy wanted a girl. He was so happy he began to cry.
This is already such a wonderful experience.

Well worth it

2011-06-07T23:58:00.003-04:00

Why do my "Don't ever call me again"s really mean "You better call me right back"? Why can't we mean what we say and say what we mean?

Why are we even mean at all?

Isn't love supposed to be good, fun and wholesome? Well then why do we get the good, the bad and the ugly? The "oh you think you funny." The partial, most times impartial love?

What more can do as women?

At one point it was all too much: "Awww, baby you shouldn't have." Then it becomes never enough: "Damn Linda, you know you should have..."

It's like finding the right book. The book that just speaks to you, underneath copious amounts of dust and minimal fingerprints. The book that turned up in a vintage wholesale store on Main street. The store that you just so happened to stumble upon as you were walking around wasting time until your next appointment.

That book. That find of a book.
That guy. That kind of a guy that has you miserably happy and anxiously angry because he knows that my "Don't ever call me again"s really mean that I want him to blow my inbox up as he calls and calls, as I send to voicemail after voicemail. Only so I could call him back after we both cool down, only to ask "Didn't I say don't call me?" Which is later followed by "I'm sorry" and "I love you too."

You know what I mean?

Consistantly Inconsistant

2011-05-23T12:42:00.007-04:00

Another bad relationship
He can't be faithful to me
He has too many girls in his life
When will he ever grow up

He never keeps his word anymore
But now that I think about it maybe he never did
He used to pick me up on time
Now I don't see him at all

I went to change my cell number
thinking maybe if he couldn't reach me, he couldn' hurt me
I've been trying to live without his lies, all his drama
Until one day I gave in, called his phone, but there was no answer

Minutes later his baby mama returned the call but didn't say anything
She's so immature, always going through his phone
She's jealous of our love
That's why I can't have a relationship with him

It's not that I'm trying to hide our relationship
but can we please have some privacy
I mean after all
He was my man first

I just want my Dad back

These are the days of our lives

2011-04-25T10:34:00.005-04:00

I'm in Chicago for season two of "treat aerialm like an outsider." This plague has infected my family and last time it didn't really bother me but this time it has. The news of my pregnancy and the meeting of my love him or hate him boyfriend has changed my relationships with my aunts and cousins and I don't like it one bit.

I have a big family, a big family dominated by very aggressive and opinionated women. I used to be one of them until I did something that they felt was out of my character, so now they act as if I am foreign land and they must look but not touch for fear of catching the disease that has taken over my land.

It's funny because even the silliest and laid back cousin rolled his eyes and smirked his lips when he saw me. But it was his wife, my cousin through marriage that really made me happy. She said "I'm not going to fuss at you like everyone else, I just want to know if everything is alright." Now how pleasant is that? A big adjustment from your most loving and loyal cousin telling your aunt how she has divorced you.

It's funny how your own family is so quick to disown you when you make a "mistake" but it is the lovely additions to the family who are able to see the reality in the fairy tale that your loved ones paint for you and your life.

No one seems to realize that this is my life and even though every decision that I have made so far has been great in their eyes, I have always faulted myself for the things that I have done wrong, even when they perceived it as a job well done, I always knew I could do better. But it was their praises and loyalty that made me accept the good and learn from my self inflicted mistakes.

Well this situation is no different, I know right from wrong and as much as we strive for perfection, no one is perfect, so we all make mistakes. No one in my has family followed the rules: graduate college, get married then have a child. No one! So just because I started down the right path and didn't finish you wont ride my coat tail to the end? Did I disown you as a cousin when you didn't finish college? When you had your child before marriage? When you got pregnant before the age of 21? No because I am no one to judge and neither are you!

This mistake I can not abort because it is my child and even though they think my boyfriend will not be along for the ride, I could care less because my happiness doesn't lie in his hands. It used to lie in the warmth of my family but I guess living in Chicago has made their hearts as cold as the winter hawk.

When is Father's Day again?

2011-04-05T21:07:00.003-04:00

Oh how I love my father.

I went to Chicago last week to visit my family and my cousin Jimmie began to remisinsce about how much of a Daddies girl I was. Everyone says (and I definitely remember) that when it would be time for my mother to pick me up I would show my tail in the middle of the street. Well on this occasion cousin Jimmie spoke of a time when my mother was showing out in the streets so my Daddy muffed her, she fell to the sidewalk crying, he picked me up and we walked away. Now we would think a normal child would cry for their mother especially since she's laying on the sidewalk, but my cousin said I just yelled "Bye Mommy," waved and left happily with my father.

These days are not much different. Although I love my mother dearly, I would rather live in Atlanta, right under my father, than back in Chicago near my mother. It's just something about him that lifts my spirits like no one else can.

As many times as he has fell asleep on me during our father daughter movie nights, volunteered to pick me up from work and showed up late and invited his irritating baby momma along to our father daughter dinners, he has equally taken care of me when I was sick, gave me money just because and straightened out a few boyfriend troubles.

There should be more than one fathers day because fathers like mine, don't come around too often.

My month old cold

2011-04-04T17:42:00.002-04:00

It's hard to enjoy the pain of pregnancy when you're stuck with a cold. A cold that has lasted for a month and has traveled from the temple to the nostril to the throat to the teeth and back to the nostril. I finally told all of my girlfriends and a few of my homeboys. My family says that my immune system is weak because of the pregnancy so this cold is sticking around. Pregnancy: It's pretty exciting but I can't even celebrate because I'm sick. Cough. Cough. Sneeze.

April Fools or not

2011-04-01T19:39:00.004-04:00

So for April Fools I wanted to tweet that I was pregnant. Of course no one would believe me until April 2cd when I would then say, tricks on you fool because I'm three months! But then I decided that was a little too mean. But I have no other way of telling everyone at once. Guess they will just have to wait to see a picture of me nice and fat or maybe they will figure it out when they get the invitation to my baby shower. Either way, for you, my friends, who check my blog every now and then to see if I posted : I'm pregnant! The End.

Misconception

2011-02-02T22:49:00.006-05:00

This week I learned that I am not all what I am cracked up to be.
Someone from my past, hurt me so bad and he only told me his perception of good news.
I thought I was one thing, until he showed me I was another.
I thought I was strong, I could handle, I could manage.
He showed me I was weak, I could break, I could stumble.
But why? Why when a person from your past moves on without you, you feel down?
Why can't we be happy for that person?
After all isn't this what we wanted?
Didn't we push him away in the first place?
Didn't we want him to move on?

Maybe with his life, but not with his love, right? He can't love me, her and their unborn. He has to let someone go, he has to let me go... but why? I thought I was one thing to him, until he showed me I was just another ex.
I thought I was stronger than him. I thought I could handle him getting into a relationship with someone else. I mean I was in other relationships.
I thought I could manage without his love.
He showed me otherwise with just one text. One word out of the text actually:

Kid.

I was supposed to have his kid... once upon a time. But why am I trippin? I mean I'm not really trippin on that because I'm not ready to have a child. Furthermore I'm already in a relationship.
I guess I thought no one could live without me.
At least that's how my other ex boyfriends make me feel.
But this one is different.
He sure showed me.
That I am not all, what I am cracked up to be.

Scaredy Cat

2011-01-28T00:02:00.005-05:00

Usually the things that we are afraid of are the best things for us.

I remember when I was in college and my mentor suggested that I sign up for this internship and scholarship. I was so afraid I wouldn't even apply. I thought I wouldn't make it, thought I wasn't good enough, thought everything under the blue moon. He already knew I would procrastinate so he did half of the requirements and submitted the package for me. I was accepted and I still didn't have the heart to do it. It required taking a little time off of school and relocating to another state, I couldn't, right?

Thank God for Bill Recktenwald. My internship and scholarship was such a grand experience. It is one of my fondest memories of strong progression in my life. It was such a humbling and positive experience that could have been life changing but once again I was afraid to take that large leap.

I am here again... afraid of something that I know I am fully capable of doing. I'm trying to talk myself out of the job when I am more than qualified to kill it. My bestfriend is pushing me to do it. I can always take his advice even if I rarely use it. But why can't we advise and push ourself towards the things that are best for us?

Because we are afraid.

Snow Days

2011-01-12T19:48:00.005-05:00

I remember when I was in grade school and the snow was up to my waist. There was no sun, no thought about it, just snow. Wintertime Chicago is nothing to play with.

Now I'm an adult. In Georgia. And four inches of snow is a snow day. Am I happy? No. I need to get out. I need to work. I need food. Lord knows I can't cook, I eat out everyday!

I was cooped inside the house for three and a half days. I was through after the first day believe me. I know that I will not be in this state for too much longer because it's ridiculous how that little bit of snow was not dealt with, became ice and caused the shutdown of a city, road blocks, accidents and the cancellation of 1400 flights in just one day. Sick and sad this state of Georgia is. Just sick and sad I tell ya.

Youth is overrated

2011-01-11T17:24:00.004-05:00

I can't wait to get old.
It will be then when I won't give a shit.
By that time I should have deleted all non sense out of my life and the few to remain should be grandchildren who I won't give a shit about fussing at because they will be mine. I will move slower and be proud to do so because then and only then will I be able to evaluate things more, see things in a more appreciative light.

I can't wait to get old.
All the things I do now will wear on me then... like partying maybe because that is the only thing I do in access. And even that I have slowed down on. Hmmm what will pain me when I get old? Won't be drinking, smoking or doing drugs because I don't. Oh! How about texting and typing on this very computer. Yep one day in the not so near future my writing exploits will trouble me :) And I am oh so ok with that.

I can't wait to get old.
Because then I will be wiser. My children and grandchildren will come to me with their problems and if I care enough I will partake in a few "in my days" and I will school them just as my grandparents have done me. Too bad all of my grandparents died before the real q&a years of college but I have a few memories that can applied to any age.

I can't wait to get old.
I will be cool, with smokey gray hair that I will not attempt to hide. A sprinkle of wrinkles that will not show my age but instead my experience. A heart that has built up love just waiting for my grandchildren. Just as it is waiting for my first child now. And before that, marriage. And before that happiness. And before that love. I guess it's here that I start my journey into "the old." I hope I don't fail myself.

Resurface

2011-01-08T22:14:00.002-05:00

The New Frickin Year is here. Wow 2010 went by fast. My New Years Resolutions (although they are not really resolving anything) are to:

1. Call home once a week
2. Learn how to cook
3. Travel
4. Do more journalism
and everybodies favorite:
5. Work out!

Wish me luck. Hope to talk to you all soon. Happy New Year!

Take Advantage

2010-10-26T03:13:00.001-04:00

Men with money come once a month
Men with good game can mack you up once a week
Men with your ideal look appears once a day
A man with the right head on his shoulders, who can hold an intellectual conversation and stimulate you mentally
comes only Once

Exhale

2010-10-12T00:13:00.003-04:00

Heavy

When your hands are over your eyes
You can hear your heart beat louder
Clearer
Harder

It's heavy

When your mouth is closed
You can hear the words of another so clearly
You can feel their pain so easily
You can understand willingly

Light

As you listen to the words
Tap your feet
Close your eyes
Bob you head
Sway your hips
Bite your lip

It's lighter
The Pain
Easier
To breathe

Unconditional Love

2010-10-12T00:05:00.002-04:00

When it's blood
Sweat
Tears
My natural hair is all frizzed up.
My pores all open.
My mind racing.
Heart pounding.
It's either you or me.
Now or never.
All in?

Then you fail.

Second chance. You back at it.
This time harder than before
Or maybe you're softer.
Its wearing you thin. This love.
Giving up is way easier than trying.
You push only so they can pull.
Cry only so they can wipe your tears.
Do it all over, every time...
So they can hurt you again.

Unconditional love.

Genuine

2010-10-11T23:54:00.004-04:00

You're just now falling
I've already fell

You've come upon the ledge
I've sunk to the very bottom

You can turn around and see the beginning
Things are blurry and I can only see the end

It's bright where you are
I'm surrounded by darkness

The birds are chirping in your ears
Silence... engulfs me

There are still options for you
Which route will you take

I don't remember if I had a choice
Of course I did, but my decision didn't take as long as yours

When It All Falls Down

2010-10-11T00:49:00.002-04:00

Why do people get married?
Because they love each other and they found the person they want to spend the rest of their life with
Why do people get divorced?
Because they can't stand to be attached to that person another moment
Why is the divorce rate half of the marriage rate?
Why vow your love and life to someone who you doubt?
Because no one really changes over night... You saw these signs before but love had a haze over your eyes?
Or did you have your own hands over your own eyes?

Stuck

2010-10-10T21:19:00.004-04:00

When mothers and fathers don't do their job parents
they become sperm donors in my book
Just someone to pull features and bad habits from
No one of importance

When fathers don't play their role in a child's life early on
the child despises them and never fully accepts them in their adult life
The child, if female longs for her father and often blames herself for the distance between them
The child, if male, vows to never treat their child how their father treated them

When mothers don't play their role in their child's life early on
the child becomes their own person without them
Then when the mother returns and tries to establish a parental relationship
the child declines and the mother is forced to be a frien-emy (friend+enemy)

When that male child becomes an adult it will be hard for them to appreciate a woman
because their mother was never there to show them how to do such a thing
It will be easy for them confide in older male friends as they are trying to find that father/big brother figure
They will probably become a "playa" from hanging with their guy friends all the time

When it's time for this male to do adult things
He won't be able to
He's too stuck in child mode
He feels abandoned, not good enough or even too good for the bullshit

The father is now the older friend either telling him to change his life around
or the father is further persuing him to do wrong at 21 just as he showed him at 12
The mother is too busy trying to live her life to care enough
or she is there full-time creating problems:
telling the girlfriend to leave him because he doesn't respect his mother so he won't respect his woman
well maybe if you were a mother to begin with he wouldn't be the little shit he is now

Why should I leave
Just because you two left before
Someone, at some point has to stick around

New Inspiration

2010-10-05T00:37:00.005-04:00

I enjoy talking to this one older lady who gives me wisdom, insight and hope.
She is a beautiful mid seventies Chilean woman with a thick mixed with Louisiana accent.
She ran away at the age of seventeen for love.
And she's been married ever since.
She and her husband have eight children together.

This wonderful lady gives me wisdom. On being cool, not letting any one get to you, not letting anyone steal your happiness. She said she may be old but she thinks young. Exercises and keeps a positive mind so not to dwell a self created sorrow. She goes to Saints games, kicks it in the French Quarters and cooks her husbands hot meals everyday. She gives me insight on making it work, never giving up and staying happy for the future of your relationship. Her relationship was young, but it lasted. The countries borders couldn't keep her away, the language barriers could barricade her no longer, love surpassed all. And it still does today. They are a joy, they respect each other and they do everything together.

She gives me hope.

Can I have Sundays off?

2010-09-03T19:54:00.002-04:00

The best lessons are the ones you don't plan for.
I went to church two days ago, for my Godson's Christening (which I thought was his Baptismal until his Daddy schooled me). We were supposed to be there before 7pm Bible Study but you know Black Folk... so we were "stuck" into staying for Bible Study, which was just fine with me. Give me my blessings baby!

Two hours later, the lesson was learned and my spirits were lifted... until it was offering time. This particular church, in which I was a first time guest, had the people come up to the front to put their donation in the bucket. How ridiculously rude. You must know by now that I didn't have any cash. lol. So I was sitting while everyone else was up. Well don't worry, said the Bishop Preacher Pastor man. We have a ATM. An ATM in the church!? Ok stick the fork in me.

I love the Bible because I love reading and I love learning. It's the whole church idea that doesn't have me running to the pews every Sunday. Well that and I work retail and rarely have weekends off, but who am I to speak? I just go for the lesson. In it hopefully is a blessing.

I have only been to church with three men.
My Father. The man I should be with. And the man I will probably be with.
I don't know how that happened but it is what it is.
The best experience was with the man I should be with, for it was totally unexpected and I was so mad at first. I felt tricked into it. But I was so appreciative when it was all over.
The best lessons are the ones you don't plan for.

Reproducing

2010-08-29T22:09:00.003-04:00

I'm an aunt!
My sister has a child.
We have a baby in the family.
The first grandchild for my mother.
She's so proud yet not so comfy with the grandma word.
It's funny how things work. Growing up I always knew my sister would have a child before me. Not because she was fast (because she is definitely not), but because she has always been the child closest to mommy.
She's a natural already.
I'm so proud of her.
The beauty of reproducing.
I should think about trying that one day.

5 Manly things that Women do better

2010-08-13T11:20:00.010-04:00

5. Burp
Have you ever heard a woman burp after a hearty meal? Like a real burp, not those prissy, in the mouth burps but a real live Homer Simpson rattle the lips burp. I have a friend... Randi Nance to be exact... who can burp a man under a rug. I know it's not attractive but it's cool and mildly entertaining.

4. Zone out when ESPN is on
Oh man don't let the man she's with or trying to impress be on the way. She will zone everything out and focus so hard so that she can know the names, numbers and statistics of all the players (not just the cute ones). Nothing impresses a man more for a women to be into the stuff that he's into. Unlike the rest of us girls (raises hands) who could care less and could win the trophy for zoning out the opposite way when ESPN is on.

3. Cheat
If you thought you were slick hunny, "wait till I show you this" (Ying Yang edited version of The Whisper Song). A women is better at cheating because face it, men don't care enough to be careful. Women research, plot and plan. We know how we gonna do it before you ever thought we were capable of doing it. Catch up fellas! Or better yet, don't.

2. Call
And by call like a man, I mean not call. Don't you guys hate when you meet a smokin' hot women in the club and she ain't studdin' you? Well instead of you getting her number, she tricks you into giving her yours and now you are on the edge of your seat waiting for her call... but she never calls. Wouldn't you rather her said, "nah you're not my type" then to have lead you on? Lesson: Don't do things to others that you wouldn't want done to you. Oh yea and don't be thirsty!

1. Cut players off the team
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned baby. When she is fed up, I mean tip top to the brim, there is nothing you can say or do to change her mind. She has the red marker in one hand and the roster in the other. Oh but what if you two were on good terms and you just found out she is cutting you for another man? Hmph. You never felt a cut as deep as a woman cutting her team for another man. All sales final, everything must go! She's strict, blunt, precise and careless. You thought you were her top player until you're bleeding ... and with full explanation. No question, women are much better players AND coaches.

Rejuvenation

2010-08-07T19:08:00.004-04:00

The Beauty Shop (or hair salon as they call it) is a humbling place. It is there you gain the confidence that you once lacked in one single visit. It is there in that black leather chair that you become the person you should have always been. Happy, confident, beautiful.

In the Black community the hair salon is the "it spot". The place where you get all your gossip about the Jones' while getting a $40 hour long process that costs double and takes triple.

I currently experienced a Dominican salon. Now they work! In hot tempetures, with no television or stereo playing; no disturbances other than their very polite and very helpful children with nappy heads.

Which brings me to ask "Maam, why the hell are you touching my head and your Childs head looks like a tornado hit?" Anywho, minding my business atop my head. They do an excellent job and your hair comes out bone straight after stupid amounts of hot as hell (used in the formal noun) heat.

I walked out a new person. I was sooo happy, I was so confident, so rejuvenated. I exited more beautiful than I entered. Exhale. Ah the Beauty Shop.

Don't You Hate? Relationship Edition

2010-07-22T00:44:00.005-04:00

... when you waste your time introducing your parents to the person that is SO not the one.

... when it doesn't work out and your parents say "I don't want to meet another one of your gangsters/hoodrats until you're engaged."

... when you're stuck between two guys and you choose the wrong one.

... being head over heels for someone else's man.

... people who claim to love you when they clearly don't even love themselves.

Don't you hate?

2010-07-21T04:45:00.005-04:00

... when you tell somebody to keep a secret & they can't so they be trying to tell it without telling it?

... when you go into the situation saying I'm going to do the right thing until you're halfway done doing the wrong thing.

... when you walk by a man, look him in the face yet he doesn't say anything until you've walked all the way past him. And even then all he has to say is "uhm umph uhm"

... when you're pouring your heart out to someone and all chose to say is "stop complaining and be grateful."

... when things aren't fair. And you hate even saying the word fair because it makes you feel six years old again.

Don't you hate?

2010-07-17T10:57:00.003-04:00

... When you always want some shit you can't get? I always want the tuna sandwich special from Subway Sat-Thur, when the special is only on Fridays. I always want a Chick-fil-a cookies and cream shake on Sundays... when they are closed. And I always crave a McDonald's hashbrown around noontime... after breakfast hours.

... When Black ass people get tattoos? That was a waste of money bruh.

... Friends that lie so much you have to save all voice mails and text messages from them to use as evidence against them?

... When you've done all you've can, but it still doesn't work?

Dont you Hate?

2010-07-14T23:01:00.003-04:00

... when he starts an argument just to piss you off

... when he leaves the toilet seat up

... people that sing really loudly but don't know the words

... when people take a water out of the refrigerator and don't replace it. You know you didn't put that muthafucka in there so why you drinking it

... wet towels on the edge of the bath tub? Ring it out and hang it up to dry

... when it hurts so bad and feel so good

So say me Tuesday

2010-07-13T03:17:00.005-04:00

Being around your man's friends is like being around stray dogs: don't make eye contact!

So I'm at his basketball game and there are a whole lotta "my types" so I hold my head down to keep from staring and slobbing and I lock my eyes on him. They all were looking at me so I made it my business NOT to look at them. He was on the bench, my eyes were on the bench. He was on the floor, my eyes were on the floor. It was hard but I managed to sneak out unharmed, with no new numbers... just as I had came in.

Someone needs to leash these animals I swear, sheesh. I almost got myself in trouble, looking so damn good at an intramural basketball game.

Note for next time: look even hotter and ignore even harder! If you're his girl, stand firm and be his girl! No one likes a flip flopper, bed hopper. And we shall always remember that Danger smashed the homies!

thu 1:44 am

2010-07-01T01:24:00.003-04:00

when you know you're doing the wrong thing
how do you know

doesn't your heart beat faster
your blood boil
and your teeth grit

why do you continue

why is it so difficult to do the right thing

maybe it's because you don't know right from wrong
or maybe you do
but you confuse the two at the worst possible times

when you know you're doing the wrong thing
why don't you stop
stop while you're ahead
stop before it's too late
stop because ...

why did you continue
why do you continue
when you know you're doing the wrong thing
why don't you stop
why is it so difficult for you to do the right thing
when you know you're doing the wrong thing

What is it with men and passwords?

2010-06-03T01:40:00.005-04:00

Truth. If you give a girl the password to your computer, your phone, your safe, your facebook... definitely your facebook; you better believe she's going to write that thang down (literally, mentally, in smoke signals) so she can check into it later.

Misconception. Just because we have the password does not mean we will use this information against you. If we have no reason to snoop, then we won't. Well maybe I shouldn't include myself in this conversation because I, at some point in time, snoop around but not your typical snoop and probably not where you think I should snoop. But if you have a good relationship with this girl, you trust her and trust that she wouldn't use this information to harm you, then why not give it to her... just this once?

A friend of mine emailed me. His email address appeared after the name of his ex girlfriend. I was taken aback. Stuck in a confused daze until he called. I don't even think I said hello. I said "why is Zerica's name on your email?" He laughed and said "remember I told you she hacked my emails? Well she put her name on it and I can't take it off. I've tried." I of course said "what's your password, I bet I can take it off."

I hate when women go overboard. There is one thing to hack into his account to snoop around, but to change his information. Smh. Petty. I was petty like that once... But I am a changed woman. I am a woman. Then, I guess I was a child... or maybe I was just hurt... I was in college.. go back and read My Secret and you will see what I was on when I used to do stuff like this.

Anyway I was able to change my friend's email address to say his name because he gave me the password to his email with no second thought. I asked with a purpose. I will never use it again. Even though it is easy and now engrained in my mind. I have no reason to use his password without his permission.

Ok, so next day I ask my hunny for the password to his computer so I can play this song. A song I could not get if I were to log in as a guest on his computer... which I usually log on under but this time I wanted to do something different. Password please... he smiled. No password. Smh. So he typed the password in, messed up the first time because I was looking. Smh. So now I am in the system. Whatever the password concealed is now available for me, which made me realize that it's not the material that is being held that's in question. It is the password. Allowing me to have something that is supposed to be a secret is against the rules.

Doesn't he know rules are meant to be broken? And I, my friend, will do the breaking.

Coonery

2010-05-31T11:54:00.007-04:00

I hate the n-word.
There is no anger greater than me witnessing an adult argue me down about how n-i-g-g-a is different from n-i-g-g-e-r.
Don't waste your breath idiot.
I hate the n-word.
And to you, that can be any word that starts with the letter n.

I inform everyone I meet, as soon as they say the word, that I don't like it and would prefer if they didn't use it when talking to, about and around me. 99% of them oblige but you know there is always a 1% somewhere that can't or won't do right.

I bring this back up (I've spoke on this subject before: WORD OF THE DAY) because everyone around me loves The Boondocks and until one day last week, I had never watched a full episode because I can't tolerate their excessive use of the n-word.

I know, I know... that's the point of the show... a social satire of American culture and race relations but I don't care about any of that. I know how hearing the word makes me feel so I do not subject myself to ill feelings.

BUT one day while "my brother," "my boo," my roommates and I were hanging out, The Boondocks came on and they low key forced me to watch it. In the light hearted watching I was doing I noticed that they had not said the n-word all show. I was so proud. Maybe they felt me watching? So I went on twitter (where the die hard Boondocks fan live) and they were all tweeting about how whack the new season was.

LMAO is it because they didn't say the n-word you dweebs? SMH. We have to do better Black People.

That was my first and last time watching the show in it's entirety but I do appreciate my friends for making me watch and learn that Black folks search for coonery and if there are not people like me who put their foot down, there would be no sensible people left in the world. Shows are only as successful as it's viewers allow them to be and you Sir are an accessory to the crime if you continue to watch, laugh and tweet about words, actions, things that should outrage you.

Sure, live and laugh but was the n-word funny when it was chanted while hanging our great, great, great grandparents? So why is it it funny now? I'm right, it isn't.

Fairy Tales

2010-05-30T21:20:00.004-04:00

Don't you hate when you play a scenario in your mind and it never goes the way you planned it?

You thought you knew where you stood but reality is you don't because he was able to shift your stance.

An ex boyfriend did this to me just a minute ago. I thought I was sick of his misleading, flirting with me and all the others girls we went to school with. Even though we don't have much of a relationship now, we had spoke of maybe doing something in a couple of years when he comes back from playing overseas. Then I got caught up in some nonsense and I dismissed him in my mind. I didn't call, didn't text, didn't think of him. Until he called me. He spit his game and now I'm back to square one.

Big bad wolf until the hunter came. I'm always living in a fairy tale. Now I'm little red riding hood... again.

Operation Swimsuit update

2010-05-30T11:52:00.004-04:00

Man eating better, exercising and still living a busy life is wearing me thin. No wonder why I ate what I ate and drank what I drank... it kept me moving. But I am doing very well with Operation Swimsuit if you were concerned. I have still been eating well and working out everyday... well except for that one day after I was swinging on the pole. That is a workout in itself and my arms were too tight to work let alone workout. Anywho check the visuals... I'm proud of myself.

Day 2: Operation Swimsuit

2010-05-22T11:07:00.002-04:00

Day 2 - Wednesday May 19, 2010

Woke up and did 225 crunches and 25 push ups. Take a shower, get ready for work. Had to take my friend to Walmart before work. There was a McDonalds in the Walmart. I really enjoy McDonalds and I was hungry. I ordered a plain biscuit, grape jelly. Ate that, drank my bottled water and was very content until lunch time. We were busy at work so I asked my supervisor to come to Olive Garden and eat healthy with me (on an extended lunch (on the clock)). We had soup, salad and breadsticks. I had a raspberry lemonade and a really great filling meal. Took a little doggy bowl of soup home for dinner. After I burnt my tounge and before I went to bed I did 250 crunches. Good day! I later found out that it was a bad day because I ate too many breads and bread is not a good idea on a "diet"... well now I know.

Day 1: Operation Swimsuit

2010-05-22T10:55:00.002-04:00

Day 1 - Tuesday May 18, 2010

Woke up and did 225 crunches and 25 push ups. I am turning 25 so I figured 25 would be a good number to use. I got in the shower and shaved. Shaving always makes me feel cleaner, prettier and more alive. I ate a Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl and drank a small glass of orange juice. I start my day! Go to work. No snacks! Ate a footlong tuna sub sandwich on wheat bread from Subway, lots of vegetables and a bottled water. Blah Blah Blah come home and before I drift into the land of the sheep (sleep) I do 200 crunches. Day 1 down, 30 more to go.

Operation Swimsuit

2010-05-22T01:30:00.004-04:00

My girlfriend Hilbring is celebrating her 25th birthday in the Bahamas this year.
I love a good planning friend, not those "never follows through but ALWAYS trying to plan some shit" friends.

We are leaving Miami on a cruise to the Bahamas. Everyone is excited about the Bahamas. I'm way too excited about Miami. Lol, either way it'll be mid-June so and I will be in a swimsuit and on somebodies beach so I set an obtainable goal for myself in lieu of this marvelous trip.

I have to shape up the midsection in order to stunt on the beaches of Miami and the Bahamas. I just gotta do it! Especially hanging with Hilbring! That chick is a size 2! That's her in the side photo, you gotta know that ain't me! Tall, slim, yellow, long hair... Cue Monique "Skinny women are evil" lol.

But I love my size! I look good! Just not so great in a two piece. I tried to hide this fact by buying a monokini (one piece with the back and sides out) but I said nah let me push myself to do better.

So exactly one month from the date that we leave sail away, I began a morning exercise, eat better, drink better, evening exercise regiment that is sure to get me where I want to be.

Take this journey with me friends?
Lol pleeeze? Because Lord knows I love a good french fry.

Tweet, no pun intended

2010-05-20T00:45:00.002-04:00

So I have been stupid stressed lately.
Not the stress that can be easily solved with a tylenol.
But the stress can needs to be calmed with an alcoholic beverage or a cancer stick.
I've been feeling mighty Tweet-ish, i.e. Smoking Cigarettes
And I don't even drink or smoke!
It has come to the point of total misunderstanding, if you can understand that.
Funny thing is that my stress is not caused by a man.
Well not by a man that I'm liking on and anything like that.
And no I am not subliminally speaking of "the man" either.
It's hard to explain...
Tweet? Can you help?

"What's you perception of love? Now how many times did we say it was over? And how many times did we not leave? There's no sense in this love hangover, please come back to me."

"You got me nervous and trembling (smoking cigarettes at night)"

"Sometimes my eyes won't close from weeping and sometimes I can't wake up from sleeping, cause you keep calling me, keep calling me in my dreams."

"You're the one to help me quit (smoking cigarettes at night)"

Check Please

2010-05-03T22:10:00.007-04:00

If relationships are like entrees, I'm full

The appetizers were appealing
The salad was superior
The main meal was magnificent
and the desert... delicious

But It's so routine, It's so mundane
and I'm so ready to burp.

But just when I thought it was bad beyond relief, someone offered to pat my back.

"My Beau" (as he so claims to be) proposed courtship today. He said he's giving me four weeks to accept his offer or for any other men to make a better offer.

Even if he comes to his senses and reneges on me I will always cherish this day. I can't stop smiling. Check Please.

Retail Weirdness vol.7: Service Now

2010-04-27T03:13:00.008-04:00

Why can't everyone go to the school of golden arches? These lousy retail associated kill me! Everyone is having a bad day. Everyone is just here for a paycheck. No one is here to service the customer, give good advice and ensure satisfaction. WHY NOT?

I blame the lazy ass managers/trainers. If you have a manager that gives a shit, they would train a lousy person and conform them into a customer service representative and even better: a decent person.

I am going through my passport process. I call 1800ASKUSPS to get my checklist of what I need to have in order to apply for my passport without hassle. I go to Walmart to see how much it is for a passport photo, the girl at the desk reading a novel said $10. I frown and ask if that was a good price. She said Walgreens has them cheaper. GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE! Thank you girl.

I go to Walgreens. They take my photo, two dollars cheaper, cool. Next day, I take my items to the post office only for the lady to tell me that my Walgreens photo is not acceptable because my hair was covering my right eye and ear. I had no idea but that photo specialist tag wearing broad should have known.

So my "eight dolla holla" turned into $24 as I had to get my picture taken at the Post Office for double what I paid at Walgreens. I was kinda mad to say the least. That monkey hoe should have told me to stop being cute and push my hair out of my face. UGH! So of course I go back to Walgreens with a mean mug to complain and get my monies back but I left the receipt in my other purse and the manager wouldn't let me get my cash back without it, even though he could have if I really would have showed my hind parts but it wasn't that serious. He offered to give my refund on a gift card to which I declined. I am never in whack ass Walgreens. I mean who really shops there for real?

But I will be back tomorrow with my receipt and I'm going to make sure I trick on shorty who wasted my time, gas and money when all she had to do was provide good customer service from the jump.

Brain Busters Tuesday

2010-04-20T00:32:00.003-04:00

Why do people trip about breaking big bills? I mean really make a fuss about breaking a 50. Stupid you're going to have to break it eventually. Gimmie the gat damn money!

Why do people put other people on the phone when they know you don't like them? I try to be nice and say, "tell Sally I said hello." You wanna speak with her. "NO I DON'T! Oh heyyyy Sally..."

Why do drunk people get on my nerves so much? I'd rather deal with a drug addict, I swear. Drunk people be talking so philosophically and emotionally. Asking stupid ass smart questions and laughing for no reason. Smh, help, why me?

Brain Busters Monday - twitter edition

2010-04-19T01:00:00.004-04:00

> If I ask you (a man) if I got you in trouble (with your girl) the answer should always be hell nall. How can she punish you? You got the game super twisted. You need to switch organs cuz she definitely wearing the pants and you my dear are wearing the panties if you are a grown man and you still get in trouble. #clockout

>If you don't have a car because she gave you two flats and a brick through the back window #clockout.

>If you don't have a phone because you gave it to her so she can get a job but you don't have a job #clockout.

>If you don't have a job because they fired you because she kept coming up there causing a scene #clockout.

After all that if you're still with her you should #clockout but you're the ultimate dumb if you knock her up!

> If she is the hospital, IN LABOR but she still has time to answer YOUR phone and screen YOUR calls you need to #clockout because you're the weakest link, Goodbye.
(by the way this is all true... ask my cousin ReRe lol)

No turning back now

2010-04-15T02:16:00.003-04:00

This one friend of mine is in some deep shit.
1. He's in jail.
2. He's in jail because he was speeding on a stolen motorcycle.
3. His mother is a laywer and she is so pissed at him that she won't get him out.
4.5.6.7.8...
9. He is a pretty boy Kappa, which has turned him into a womanizer.
But the number one reason why he is in some deep shit is because
10. He gave his main girlfriend the passcodes to his voicemail, email and facebook.

Ok let me break down that last sentence. He gave his main girlfriend the passcodes to his voicemail, email and facebook. Isn't that against the player handbook? If you have a main girl that means you have other girls... so why? The passcode to your voicemail... the voicemail that all the girls are leaving messages on because they heard you were in jail. The passcode to your facebook... the place where you do ALL of your dirt. I mean come on, how stupid can one man be?

His excuse was that he didn't have anything to hide from her and he wanted her to find out whatever she thought she needed to find out in order for them to make it work. Lucky for him that he is in jail and she is on a pity porch so she doesn't have the heart to dump him but boy does he have a tounge lashing coming to him when he gets out.

The killer is, they have only been dating for three months and have broken up three times in those three months. When do you think it is ok to turn in your player card? When and how should you break the news to your girl/guy that you have been cheating but you're ~~in jail now and need someone to depend on~~ a changed man/woman now? When do you realize that she/he is the one for you and you're ready to walk the straight and narrow... the one where there is no turning back?

Final Farewell

2010-04-11T01:01:00.003-04:00

last night
I lost my best friend
don't be sad for her
she lived a long
painful life
she died a quick
much needed death
lots of times
it was just she and I
I don't even remember how we met
I used to be so different
until I met her
she changed my life when she was here
but now she is gone
long gone
her name
was insecurity
and she used to hold me back
but she died
last night

Shady Business

2010-04-08T00:38:00.004-04:00

Okay I'm going to make a major generalization about people and their preferences and say "Light Skin people are more likely to be attracted to Dark skin people" and "'Dark skin people are more likely to be attracted to Light Skin people."

I am what I like to call light brown, some like to call me caramel. So that means I can go either way with my preference but anybody that knows me knows I like a high yellow tender but funny I'm falling hard for these brown like me boys... anyway why is it that people care so much about the shade of their date or mate?

If I can be so honest in saying I am only attracted to yellow men. If I see yellow skin from way yonder I will break my neck to see what his face looks like. And don't let him have colored eyes... (peep my boyfriend in the photo attached.) If I see a brown skin man I might scope him out if I see a dimple or something but a dark skin man could get no play from me unless his teeth are Colgate crisp and his pockets are hiccuping hundreds. It's sad but true... dark skin men can do nothing for me.

It's funny because my father (whom I love so dearly) is dark skin and my newest baby sister (whom I love so dearly) is chocolate but I'm light brown, my mom is yellow, my sister closest in age is yellow and 90% of my die hard crushes and exes have been yellow.

I have this discussion at work a lot with my much older supervisors and even though they joke with me about being a yellow lover, one man who is dark skin is married to what he calls a "high yellow broad," one woman who calls herself caramel even though she is lighter than me says her husband is "milk chocolate" and another woman who is so super bright skin says "the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice."

So clearly those busters are just as "racist" as I am but are too afraid to admit it. If you are light skin tell me what your preference is. If you are brown skin tell me what your preference is. If you are dark skin tell me what your preference is. I'm dying to know.

Brain Busters Friday

2010-04-02T02:15:00.002-04:00

Why is there a peach milkshake at Sonics (sounds yucky) and there are always Peach flavored sodas on all the end caps in Kroger, like the drink of the week. Just because we are in Georgia does not mean everything can be in peach.

I'm Black and I love to see a smokin hot White man but why do I turn my nose when I see Bi-racial couples?

How can people rip their paycheck to pieces when all they have to do is follow along the preferated edges?

Why can women buy a whole club outfit for $40.00 and men can only purchase a shirt for $40.00?

Why do people always want you to take them somewhere but never offer to give you five on the gas?

Shoulder talk

2010-04-01T07:41:00.005-04:00

I don't like him --- It's not your place to like him
He makes my skin crawl --- You don't even know him
My opinion doesn't even matter --- So why waste your breath
But I think it should matter --- But you know it doesn't
He's going to ruin her life --- It's HER life not yours
Poor girl --- Poor you

NO Dogs Allowed

2010-03-30T13:45:00.005-04:00

It is so clear to me what it takes to snag any man...
Time.
All you have to do is stall them out and let them show their real colors, let the dogs dismiss themselves.
Or stall them out to make the real men fall in love with you.
Real women wait!
Because love takes time.
There is nothing to rush.
Think about it... how many people fall in love and marry the person that they had a spring fling or one night stand with?
When you give up the goods before the goods are due, you just signed your papers to a bad case of the blues. Especially if you called yourself liking them.
It's funny because when you like someone, you want to please them and give them whatever they want. You want to smother them and show them how much you like them. All this to the point of no return. You didn't even give them a chance to know and like you before you've ran them away. To put the cherry on top, you gave them the goods so they can come back when they need you but when they are gone, they are gone! You helped to create a dog, hyped his head up and gave him everything on a silver platter, now you're alone.
If you don't like someone but still want to be nice to them you keep them at a distance. You are still cordial and considerate of their feelings but you don't want them to think you like them. Those be the ones who fall in love because you are showing them the behind the scenes person that all men want to see. The real "this is how I am" not the fake "I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make you love me" type.
No man wants a puppet...
Real men don't want a puppet, they want a companion.
"A person who shares the experiences of another," "a partner, a friend, a confidante."
So reverse your playlist.
If you really like someone...
PAUSE
... don't sweat them. Tell them you might be interested if they act right and continue to live your life. Don't change, don't alter, don't conform. Just be you. They will appreciate that you don't stop breathing because they forgot to say breathe. They will say "damn she can live without me." Some will even say "damn she can live without me... how? What I am doing wrong?"
Then THEY will start sweating YOU!
Come on girls give yourself more credit even if it's more than you are due and I guarantee you can snag any man.
Just give it some...
TIME

In local news...

2010-03-27T00:30:00.002-04:00

So there was an "almost attack" of the Big Dog Gang last night. They must have just migrated to our area recently because I had never heard of them till this weekend and had never seen them until last night. My roommates' dad said they surrounded him as he was getting out of the car the night before last and that one was so close it could have bit him.

Sure I laughed when I heard the story... Who wouldn't? Two nights later as I am coming back from a late night dinner date. I pull into my driveway blasting music as usual. The only reason I turned my music down before I pulled into the driveway was because my roommate just had a baby and her room is right above the garage. I never park in the garage though so I reverse into the driveway and quickly hit the power button on the radio in an attempt to stay still because three big ass dogs just surrounded my car.

OMG! They lookin at me I'm lookin at them... Then I look away as I remember you're not supposed to look dogs directly in the eyes. One of them was a gentleman though. He walked to the drivers side of my car as if he wanted to open the door and escort me to the front door of my house. I declined his offer and I sulked into my seat and texted my roommate that the Big Dog Gang was outside and that I was sleeping in my car.

Six minutes and they are down the culdesac sniffing around the neighbors basketball rim. As they contemplated shooting some hoops I quickly tip toe (in heels) to my front door so fast I forget to lock my car door. As I walk up the stairs to my room I hear my roommate laughing saying she heard my heels tapping on the pavement and that she was going to call animal control in the morning... I haven't seen the Gang since.

Brain Busters friday

2010-03-26T02:28:00.002-04:00

I have three serious questions.

Why do people always try to hook you up with their brother who don't got no teeth or their sister who got six kids and seven baby daddies?

Why do people sweat you for your number but don't offer to give you theirs? Then text you "hey, what's up' as if we've been friends for years and I have your number stored.

Why do people always volunteer applicants to you as if you own your own business and said you were looking for bullshit applicants. "Aye my cousin B-Moe need a job but he has a felony from '04."

Please, help me find the answers.
I need feedback. These are my brain busters for the day.

The Price is Right

2010-03-22T22:35:00.011-04:00

Watching the Amerie video "More than Love" ft. Fabolous made me realize how ridiculously easy and cheesy women are. I recommend watching the video before you continue, or you could read this spoiler then humor yourself by watching the video too see if it happens just as you envisioned it.

In the video Amerie and boyfriend Fabolous are spending quality time together, which it seems they rarely get a chance to do. Then Fab picks up his phone and starts an email, then leaves the apartment and peeps around the porch so she won't see him typing on is phone as he is leaving the apartment.

Amerie hires a photographer to follow Fab to see what he's up to because their relationship didn't use to be like it is now, he comes back with photos of Fab talking to some woman. Fab comes to talk to Amerie, she tells him to leave, he says fine if thats how you want it but "this is me and trust me, I don't even trust me."

He leaves, she gets more photos of him with the woman from before then as soon as she's fed up and ready to break up with him he comes with a Mercedes Benz coupe with a bow on the front. She snatches the key, smiles and leaves her friends in the dust.

FOOL did you ever think that maybe he was really cheating and he's only buying you this car to distract you? Why are women always so simple to please. A gift solves everything these days. I'm not trying to be super negative but I don't want women to be so gullible all the time. Sure there are some good men... somewhere but don't take the okey doke for (in my Price is Right voice) "A brand new carrrrrr."

I like my pride, my intuition and my self a lot more... or do I?

POWER

2010-03-18T00:13:00.005-04:00

Never change who you are for someone else.
Because once you change, you lose some of the real you.
The real reason why that person liked you in the first place.
They just didn't know until you changed it but now its too late.
They don't want you anymore.

So now they playing the role.
Got you way on the back burner so that you can voluntarily erase yourself from the equation.
Then they hit you with the "I thought we were cool," "I thought we were together" bid to make you feel bad for breaking up with them. So you retract the statment and try to work it out, thinking you over-reacted but you're confused because they still playing you to the left but yelling that "couple shit."

You start acting a fool demading attention then they pop up and break up with yo' dumb ass. Now "you looking like a fool witcha pants on the ground" cause you had the power... now you don't.

Equality

2010-03-07T01:55:00.001-05:00

There is no other way I can be true to you
than be true to myself first
I owe you no more than I owe my first born
the chance of life, the chance to make a difference, the chance to make a change
you should be put in no order
you should held to no high regards because of your self proclaimed title
you are just as bare as you began
now prove yourself worthy

I dream of fishies

2010-02-27T02:32:00.005-05:00

Remember when your grandmother used to say she dreamt of fishes? Everyone would be looking around, eyebrows raised, waiting for a confession of pregnancy. Too bad I don't have any grandparents because if I did their bedrooms would be full time aquariums due to the abundance of fat girls surrounding me. And by fat girls I mean pregnant girls/women.

I hate when people tell me that I am next just because all of my friends are knocked up. How rude of you to curse me like such? Don't you know that I have been latex tight since I heard word of my roomates' pregnancy. I mean I love my roommate but to each is definitely its own. I have an eight month old sister who I babysit weekly. I be sad, yet so relieved when she long gone... with her talking ass.

Is it so wrong for me to want to be happily married before I reproduce? Why am I now the odd ball of the bunch because I am without child? When guys see me with my girls now, they are going to ask what's wrong with my uterus... poor me. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Snoop Doggy Dogg

2010-02-01T15:57:00.004-05:00

The most honest relationship is when you can leave your phone out around her. You KNOW she's gonna look through it, so you're comfortable with yourself to face whatever it is that she finds.

I've been in many relationships and I've been through many a' phones. My last relationship went a little differently. He is major player, to me, but to everyone else he is this loving caring great friend of a guy so I never really had to urge to look in his phone but the one time I did, I didn't find anything out of the ordinary. He had no pictures of girls, no i love you texts, his phone wasn't even locked. It made me mad that I didn't find anything, why couldn't he be guilty, ugh. Its a great feeling when we find something isn't it ladies? It justifies the reason we looked in the first place, so if we did get caught, we could easily flip the script. Check me:

"What are you doing? Going through my phone?
No what are YOU doing with a naked picture of a girl in your phone?
I don't know what you talking about.
Oh no, Tricia... 6785882418... sent last night, 1115... to which you responded "just what i needed""

I mean there is nothing he could say to make you be the bad guy (even though you are). You definitely win that conversation... then lay it on thick with "if i never would have had the urge to look through your phone, I never would have found this" as opposed to:

"What are you doing? Going through my phone?
Ummm your mother called?"

You have to know when you're man is doing something. You also have to know that he's not smart enough to erase all the things that will catch him up right before he gets to you. You also must know his passcode which is usually his mother's birthday, child's birthday, hometown area code, jersey number or something dealing with his fraternity. If you're going to be a snooper, at least be a good snooper. Wait a couple of months until you're good into the relationship. But newsflash: if you have to snoop at all, maybe you shouldn't be with them.

Where is the trust?

Retail Weirdness vol.6: who are YOU to talk?

2010-01-25T18:40:00.003-05:00

A shoplifter, while standing in handcuffs next to a police officer, told my manager not to curse around her child, who was sitting in a shopping cart full of stolen merchandise. Who are you to talk? I mean I commend her for trying to keep a good environment around her child but youuwhoo... You are two seconds from going to jail for stealing five bags of items and falsifying information to the police.

Young mothers, when approached with the alternative of abortion usually get riled up. "I don't believe in abortion, that's against the Bible." Oh and having unprotected premarital sex is parallel to the Bible? Who are you to talk about what's good and bad anymore, your good bad meter has been denied.

I work with a whole bunch of young people so I often go on the front end (where the cashiers are) to make it a lively yet pleasant environment. I'm sure you know how it is with a group of young people who grow up to fast with a sprinkle of old people with the brain of a young person. So in an attempt to be a good... whatever I am to those people, I come and spark conversations, making everyone laugh, which in turn makes it a pleasant experience for the customers, or so I thought. This one customer, this one time said she thought it was very unprofessional that we were talking about what we were talking about on the front line. Huh!? We can't talk about cooking for the Christmas party? Talking about "I used to work in retail, so I know." Trick please, who are you to talk? If you worked in retail then you know exactly how we feel and how we are just trying to make the time past.

This one friend always gives my other friend advice on her relationships. Plural. The friend giving advice has only been in one serious relationship, so how can you give advice to a person who has never been in a real relationship? Who are you to talk? There comes a time where you should pass up the time to give advice, if you don't know how to be a player, don't give advice on being one. Girlfriend knows she should have came to me first! I have first hand baby.

So every year after the holidays, my grimy company does these major layoffs. This time last year I was freshly laid off for the first time in my life but it was cool because I was rehired shortly after my layoff because they recognized my hard work when I was there and didn't want to let me go but had to. Now I am giving people advice on how to stay out of trouble and stay off the "lay off list" but who am I to talk really? I'm just a small fish like them, little do they know but I present myself so well they listen. Lets hope I last another year while I'm trying to help another fish out.