Because I said so

I need to get my power back. The lack of power that had me creeping out of the dorms, walking six blocks to my car at six o'clock in the morning. I have lost my power. Me! Of all people.  Earlier that day in fear of my power, or lack thereof, I reacted out of weakness, out of the unknown. Let me fill yall in to the whole story. My boyfriend's a business major, I'm a journalist. He asked for my help on a paper he had due the next day... (procrastinators), so I go and help him to the best of my ability without erasing everything he'd previously written and making the paper my own. Now it's time for him to go to work, and I stay behind to finish enhancing his paper. Some hour or so later, I get bored, take some pictures of myself and my new hair do with his computer camera. After looking at them later with a fresh eye, I no longer liked them, so I delete them and to make sure they were gone for good I went to the trash bin. Now I usually don't do this, but for some...

So I went to the Goodwill yesterday to buy a black belt because someone stole mine a couple of months ago and I came to a few conclusions about people and I have one question in response... what the health is going on? Why are there underwear, bathing suits and pacifiers for sale at a Goodwill? YUCK! I would never think to buy such a thing and I didn't think Black people would either but I was behind someone who was buying their child a used bathing suit and contemplating the purchase only because she thought the child already had one. "Are you sure can't fit the blue one no moe," the mother asked the child who responded with a nod, "cuz I could swear I just bought that one." There are just some things you don't do people, and buying a used anything that a persons personals have been on or in is one of them. Used draws would never grace my baby's bottom and a used "pasie" would never be sucked on by any child of mine. So really what the he...

As I said in my last post, last week was Alpha Week and since I am the Alpha girl of the Beta Eta chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha, I most definitely have a million pictures to share. I will start off with a few from Panorama which is a Casino night, where I was one of about 15 beautiful Dealers and end with a few snapshots of the after party. Enjoy!

This week I ♥ sleep One can never have too much sleep... or could I? Last week was Alpha Week and for those of you who do not know, I am THE ALPHA girl of the Beta Eta chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha and their slogan of "No Sleep During Alpha Week" could be no closer to the truth. I honestly raked in about 12 hours out of sleep during the whole week and I have yet to make up for lost zzzzzz. I ♥ Haters My mother dear was hating so hard because Wednesday our system shut down at work and we could do nothing but answer the phones and tell people that "our system was down, call back later" for three hours straight! Don't hate Mom, so I texted her that I was coloring in my coloring book to stay busy and she asked why I had a coloring book and said that she hoped I work double time the following day. Hahaha gotta love those haters! I ♥ miniature Baby Ruth's Yummy in my tummy but yikes on the pearly whites. I have found a new favorite chocolate... last month it was ree...

If checkbooks could talk, mine would lie. It would tell you that I love my mother and my landlord more than I love myself since I stay writing phat checks to them both and I haven't spent a dime on clothes, shoes or jewelry since January. It would tell the biggest lie in the amount of my last withdrawl as if I have that kind of money to be withdrawing. It would tell you that I'm in a love/hate relationship with BP because every Monday I faithfully spend $40 to fill up and that I haven't cheated on BP with anyone else since December. If your checkbook could talk, what would it say about you?

You know I always hated lying. Even when I was a young lad, I felt it necessary to show people the true me, i.e. fessing up to stuff that I got caught in and trying to tell you in the most respectable way possible that I was going to do what I wanted to do regardless of what you say. That attitude got me into a lot of trouble especially when it came to rules and boys. But there is one thing I learned while being honest at a young age... it is well respected by people of all ages. I mean I was young but I wasn't dumb! I definitely can not say the same about these kids today! My brother for instance, will lie the clothes off of his back! But he's not good at it so he always gets caught. And boy does he ALWAYS get caught... lol . It's like he would start a small lie that would be the size of a mothball and it would just tumble weed out of control and become the biggest lie unnecessarily . Why not just tell the truth in the first place? I mean look at it this way: if you tell ...

For the past two weeks I have most definitely been crushing hard on the Day 26 album. Well maybe not the real album but the make shift album I made from searching limewire. It's on point, check it out if you haven't copped the album. I ♥ these young men. They sound really nice and Diddy has done yet another good job with his Making the Band kids. I also have to admit that I ♥ not having any food in my refrigerator! I was so over weight this time last year so without junk to snack on I have been able to get myself together and have only been eating when and what I am supposed to... oatmeal for breakfast, a Michelena for lunch and a light dinner. I am ♥ing the sun and the ability for me to wear my contacts and oversized stunner shades but not necessarily the warmth because my allergies are killing me. I ♥ all the blessings that have been surrounding me... my girl Lisa got a job in her profession, my daddy got two new jobs, my piece of crap car has not stopped on me in a week, my ...

Isn't it funny how we can talk about drug dealers and hustlers like dogs, how they set the standard for wrong doings and should be looked down upon... well then you know you trifling when a drug dealer/hustler does something positive and you don't. I was being treated to breakfast the other day and the nice young man that I was with opened the door for me, gave me his drink, let me eat his pancakes and my french toast and even stopped cutting his food to let me cut my food (because he's a lefty and I'm a righty so we kept bumping into each other). But this trifling fool walked away from the counter to pay an $18 bill with a $20 and put the change in his pocket. I grabbed his arm thinking he forgot and said you didn't leave a tip. He said "what, man come on... I don't leave tips" and left me standing by the register with my chin on the floor as he walked out the door. Huh? You don't leave tips? Who are you? I tried to give him the benefit of the dou...

I will never go back. I will never return to the place where I already spent 20 years of my life. I will move on, move forward with my life in anticipation for the next 20 years. When I said this to all of my friends and family they looked at me like I was crazy, especially the ones who were from Chicago. "What!? You'll never find a better city than Chicago." "What about me?" my best friend asked. "What about your sisters and brothers?" another person asked. Trust me when I get enough money I will send for them. I mean really how can I experience the world only living in one state? Illinois journalists don't make that much money and all I would report is crime crime and more crime. My father resides in Georgia and I am so proud of him for exiting his comfort zone. I have thought about moving near him but trife just might mooch me out of house and home (love ya daddy). My aunt lives in Texas so I was thinking of moving there but Texas is so big that...

I am not only an American Beauty with brown hair and brown eyes  My identity lies somewhere between my grade school pom-poms, to the left of my favorite baby phat jeans and slightly below the chocolate in my eyes It's my lips that guides the crowd, a go getter on any occasion.  You know me? Do you really? When I don't even know myself Listen Can't you hear the insecurity in my unsure answers? Sniff this Do you smell the fear in my heart? Open wide Can you taste the real flavor thats hidden deep down and underneath? Maybe I'm not aerialm I'm not who you want me to be I'm not wearing the mask that you wanna see I am me!  By way of what comes out of these vibrant lips It's my chocolate words. 

Every man wants a nice looking woman who can keep herself well groomed and presentable all at a minimal price but who really gets those type of women? No not the well groomed ones, the minimal priced ones...? The two months out of my adult life that I did not have a job should have been the turning point of my high maintenance mind set but it was actually the time that really proved to me that I was a high maintenance chick. It's sad, I agree but I have to have a different hairstyle every week and my visit to the nail shop are bi-monthly but luxurious as I pick the brightest colors to grace my nails and toes.  My shoe game is sick as I own 62 pairs and my scarf and purse game is nothing to snicker at even though you will always catch me in the same two scarfs and a simple black purse. I will be truthful and say my style is a little odd so my pieces are not all on point but give me a few phat checks and I promise to be haute by summer.  So ketchup to my mustard pumps, matching overs...

People will just say any old thing to you... but only if you let them.  Can you believe when I was in job training a middle aged white man told me to tell my trainer to stop "slave running" because she had us working constantly because like I said in an older post, we had an unusually compacted training. Now of course I didn't tell her that being (1) I didn't think she was being too hard on us (2) It took me a while to figure out what he really meant and if he said it because i was one of the three black trainees And (3) the most important... it was unnecessarily racist and made me a little uncomfortable.  Well funny be it that he came in our training room shortly after just to ask the trainer if I told her what he said. Now I'm usually not one to immediately pull out my racist ruler but at the same time, I am very pro black and he may have just earned an inch or two and pissed me off. This wave of heat just took over me and made me very upset which made the trai...

Journalists quote! So here are a few of my most memorable movie quotes. They may not be the best quotes from the movie but I love them and they stick out to me. No country for old men Llewelyn Moss: If I don't come back, tell mother I love her. Carla Jean Moss: Your mother's dead, Llewelyn. Llewelyn Moss: Well then I'll tell her myself. *This is a MUST SEE film, the BEST of 2007, on my momma (as my father would say)* The Mask Mr. Dickey: "You're 40 minutes late, Ipkiss! Now that's the same as stealing!" American Beauty Lester Burnham: "It's okay. I wouldn't remember me either." Bad Boys Captain Howard: "What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it." I could do this all day people, I love movies. I should have been a film maker, lol. Now I would like to let you in on a family secret. Here are a few big and small screen favorites that I share with my sissy pooh. We ba...

Some people don't know when to let stuff go. Everyday I hear a comment, get invited somewhere or is asked about something that no longer pertains to me... the news, events and status of stuff that only a person attending or working at SIUC would know, and guess what people I no longer attend SIUC. I may be in the same city but I have officially become an outsider, which is fine with me but other people still want me to feel like an insider, be inside the scoop. Well I hate to burst bubbles but I graduated college not to continue to attend... like some weirdos. Although it's true I still live in a college town, I don't partake in college activities (unless it's Alpha) and the ONLY reason why I am still down here is because I have an apartment and I do not believe in graduating from college only to move back into become a lump on your mother's couch with a degree in junk food and video games.     My contact with SIUC is not done as in terminated, but done as in accomp...

I am a picture fanatic!  I think I should have been a photojournalist the way I keep a camera in tow. It has become a habit to take a picture of everything that I rarely have any pictures of myself and so I decided that on the first official Picture Day, I would throw together a heap of ME! And trust me out of the 1698 pictures in my iPhoto albums only 20 are just me... sad isn't it? So enjoy the few occasions that I am actually in front of the camera.

I always knew that I would be a journalist or a writer of some sort because my interest in words are beyond a mere crush. Shout out to my lyrical cousin Bonquesha bka Candice Nikole, for she is truly a concoction of vernaculars. I would like to share with you all some of my poems that I wrote while I was a teeny bopper. I went to three very different high schools so that means three different perspectives on growing up, life and "love"... and you gotta love teenage love so here we go ~> All that I can't say There are so many words I can't say when I look into your eyes Maybe you'll reject me  and shatter all my pride Each day my love grows stronger but I wont let you know There's way too much behind my smile  that I can never show I'd hold you for a lifetime if only you'd take my hand Leave trails of our relationship  in the pale and gritty sand Yet every time I see you you're on holding on to her The pain cuts like a dagger creating wounds that...

When I was little I thought that you grew up when you turned a certain age, but that age is different when it comes to girls and boys, which made me think that you grew up when you acted like a grown up. But all grown ups don't like grown ups so maybe you grow up after you have been challenged to grow up by doing grown up things like going to college, raising a child or living on your own. For me, it was moment I no longer lived under my mother's roof. I didn't get an apartment of my own but I didn't move in with any of my mother's relatives so that meant that I could make my mother out to be the wicked witch and it would never get back to her. It meant that all the strings that once tied me down would lace no more and I could be my rebellious old self until this new person got fed up, unlike my mother who had already exceeded the maximum limit. At least that's how I thought it would be until I actually lived with my step mother. It was a totally different exper...

I'm sure everyone has had a moment when you ask yourself "What were you born to be?" Well today was my first real day of work after one week of training when typical trainees have up to six months under their belt before their first real day, so you can just imagine what kind of day I just had.  It was definitely an experience, as I am the youngest employee in the whole building, one of four trainees who were thrown into the position after minimal training and the only fool with number dyslexia discombobulating every number in the book for four straight hours.  I am almost positive that I made a lot of patient people impatient with my constant inconsistencies and hand full of "can you please" holds. But I have to say I am very proud of myself for getting through this day because they only get worse from here. It humors me when people who have been doing the job for more than 20 years tell me it's not that bad and they hope I stick around, which to me are two...

Why do people hold their tongues? I mean are we not all adults here? I find it hard to believe that one can not say the word "white" around White people? True if a White person said "black" around me I would open my ears a little wider,  but I wouldn't shun them for saying a word in the dictionary that in some cases might refer to me. I hate when my best friend shushes me or shakes his head in disapproval when I do the aforementioned. What's so wrong with it?  Today at work a White lady said to three Black women that her husband doesn't like her cats because they are black and he believes that black cats are bad luck. I felt a little different at first but I wasn't mad, it didn't make me uneasy like one of the other Black women. I thought it was stupid but she didn't make the sTuperstition up... notice the capital T because superstitions are stupid. Just think about one for a second: "step on a crack break your mothers back"... I me...

Okay beautiful people, today's word is trifling. Do you have a trifling family member, co-worker, friend or ex-friend for that matter because one can only take so much trife in their life. You know that kind of trifling where you vow to never talk to someone again because they trife and you know they always will be. That kind of trifling when you have loaned till you can't loan no more and this time all you can offer is a hug and a prayer. Just a person so disgustingly trifling, you can't be around them for too long for fear off their trife rubbing off on you. Well I know a person like that too. Coincidentally this same person gave me life. There are many words that one could use to describe their Daddy but Webster couldn't create a better word for mine. His trifling ways have taught me that growing older does not always mean growing up. While grooming my Daddy says things like "I'm cleaner than the board of health" and "Clorox ain't got nothing o...