Because I said so

My preteen daughter called me bruh the other day. Lets let that sit there for a minute.  Okay so scene: She was fussing via text at me about having phone screen time on the weekend. That its not fair because she is the only one with it, when all she wants to do is play group chat games with her little raggedy tail friends. For those of you who don't know: screen time is a feature embedded into your updated iPhone and apple devices, used to monitor the way you use your device. You can use screen time to get information about what you and your family members spend time on your devices, which apps and websites you use, how often you pick up your device, in a given day or even hour. You can also schedule time away from your screen, set time limits for certain app usage and block calls from certain people during certain times. So now that you know what her issue is, now hear my issue: I wouldn't care if she was talking to a family member at 11:58pm... once that Midnight screen time ...

One nice hot summer day, as you're minding your own business, sitting on the couch twiddling your braids between your fingers, listening to a little r&b, your favorite cousin calls to tell you that she is getting married next year and she would love for you to be her Maid of Honor.  You hop up, yelling Congratulations, OMGee of course I will favorite cousin, I would do anything for you! Thank you so much for choosing me! Where do we start!?  She calmly says, "I'm so glad to hear you say that favorite cousin, because in order to fit the dress I have in mind, you'll have to lose 40 pounds."  The music seems to abruptly stop. Your smile slowly turns to a frown. You plop yo fat ass back down and what, might I ask, comes out of your mouth next?  Lets consider the situation: this particular family member, this cousin whom you revere as a sister, whom you fully frontal bear hug and rock side to side with upon arrival and Color Purple slow hand clap when the two of yo...

By a show of hands, how many of y'all were nicknamed Junebug?  Ok, how about the ones who changed their name to Unicorn Princess at age eight and wouldn't answer until it was delivered with a bow or curtsey?  Everybody at some point in their lives had a nickname, preferred name, or dare I introduce a stage name. All, of course, in addition to the name that your Mother and Father gave you. So why is it a problem when we call someone by their "government name," and how do we maneuver in that awkward space if I refuse to call you "Chocolate Droppa," per Kevin Hart's playful alter ego? Let's talk about it?  What's in a name?  Letters, syllables, family history? Should we feel a way if someone wants to call us by the name on our birth certificate instead of the name we prefer to be called? You sure don't hear the Judge calling out for the bailiff to bring in Young Thug and Gunna because they damn names are Jeffery and Sergio and I double dog dare ...

Have you noticed, that we don't find money just laying around on the ground anymore? We no longer receive fortune cookies with our Chinese food order. Where did you find the four-leaf clover, wish upon a shooting star, follow a rainbow to the end? I can't tell you the last time I seen a rabbit's foot hanging out of somebodies uncle's back Wrangler pocket.  You know why? Cause luck is learned.  It's the act of turning lemons into lemonade. It's the process of believing and accepting the unknown. Something most adults no longer know how to do because we are hard-wired to figure everything out. Especially if we are parents. Especially if we are single parents. We can't just jump out on a whim. That's crazy, right? What if we fail? How will we eat?  It's hard to imagine finding clarity on the answer without quite knowing how to get to the answer. You may not even be able to clearly identify the problem. But knowing what you want is most important. The cl...

Being a full-time Mom is a hard job! I know you are thinking, what is a part-time Mom and where do I sign up? I mean no disrespect in my opinion, but let's just pretend that Moms who get to spend a significant time away from their kids are considered part-time Moms. They are able to get half of mind, not just a piece. They are able to catch a break from constant chaos, a much-needed conversation with someone of the legal age about something other than poop consistencies, Roblox purchases, and snacks that don't stain when spilled. They are privy to being addressed by their government name instead of their title and their attire includes, but is not exclusive to yoga pants and colorful crocs.  Full-time Mommy-ing is a whole job. In addition to whatever job you might have. And don't let there be more than one child, then you're in quite a pickle. Most days I don't know whether I'm coming or going today or yesterday. Someone somewhere is always calling my name,...

So,  How are yall's Instagram perfect relationships going? How did it fair during Quarantine, through The New Year and now that we back outside? Did you decide you couldn't live with them, or did you recognize you couldn't live without them? If you answered the first, I'd say you knew where the issues lied, you just have to admit to seeing the signs and hiding your eyes.  Let’s work on keeping it real with ourselves so that we know how to keep it real with others. Have these tough talks, we are about to embark on, and actually listen for the response instead of listening to respond. I have come to realize that there are a few important things that should have been discussed earlier in this here relationship.  Five things actually, that gets talked about too late!  Lets chat:  5. Munchkin, how is your relationship with your mother?  Believe it or not, a Woman's relationship with her mother is more important than a Mans, although Women may not se...

Barbara this is Shirley [Siri play Shirley Brown -Woman to woman ] No one wants to be cheated on. True or False?  Everyone wants to be loved. True or False? Everyone has different definitions of love. True or False? The dictionary defines love as an intense feeling of deep affection. But we all know there are drastically different feelings that define the same word. The love I feel for my kids is felt in my heart and soul. The love I feel for my man is centered around my mind and my genitalia. When you get old enough, love is almost synonymous with monogamy. And that's a whole new beast. When you’re in a committed relationship, you’re looking for someone who can fully love you. Whatever your definition entails you want someone to love you equal to or better than. If you don’t feel that the love you are giving is not being reciprocated you may result to some unhealthy actions. Facing reality and your understandable disappointment is the first step in ma...

I have to tell y'all that today, I have decided that I am going to write a book. I barely write in my personal journal. I barely write in my public journal, which is this blog to you. I barely write down my grocery list. But I am going to write a book. There are some things you just know about yourself, some things that you know for a fact, without a reasonable doubt. I know that I am Black, I know that I am Female, I know that I have to wear glasses to see clearly, I know that I am an awesome writer and that I rarely give myself the credit or allot myself the time to hone in on my God given talent of writing for the masses, for my readers, for myself. So today, while dually reading an excellently written book and a poorly written book, I have decided that I am going to write my own book. Please stay tuned and mark this day, these words, for I am as sure of this, as I am the day that I was born. Side note: Anybody that knows how I was born will find this humorous, to thos...

What is the definition of true love? Merriam-Webster defines true love as " one truly beloved or loving" So what is the definition of truly? Intensive... without falsity... in all sincerity. Love is defined as " strong affection for another." So who do you have strong affection for, intensive... without falsity... in all sincerity?  Really take a moment and think about that question, those choice of words, the meaning and truth behind it. There is not one person that I, myself can say I have intensive love for in all sincerity. I question my love for myself at times when we all know we should love ourselves first and foremost. I think the "without falsity" part really gets me because I could ever know another persons real and true feelings for me so in turn I could never honestly, without falsity say how much I love someone without knowing for sure how much they love me, if at all.  Some may say that because of this my love is "d...

When the former you has faded When you're little, all you talk about is what you would do when you get older When you're a teenager, you dream about what you would do when you're legal When you're in your twenties you talk about all that you will accomplish and have once you're in your thirties. When you make it to your thirties, you wish that for just one minute you can revert to a younger day, a day with less responsibilities, less worry, less work, less children (just for one day). When working out at 30 you wish that you can get the wind of your 20 year old self, the tight skin... but you can keep the wack men. I hope that at 30 ladies, we have evolved from the type of men we let into our lives because time is dwindling down and if marriage isn't on the menu, switch restaurants, you feel me? But I digress. Is this age all that you wanted and have waited? When the former you has faded

Summertime in Chicago has always been a favorite past time of mine and I hope that my kids acquire the same love and appreciate for this beautiful city. As many of you know I am originally from Chicago but I currently live in Atlanta. My fiance (side note: I recently got engaged. Big Yay) works in Texas so we will be relocating there soon. I decided to come home to spend time with my Mother and siblings before moving 11,000 miles away. So far so good. We are having fun with family, my children are spending quality time with their aunts, uncle, cousins and grandmother. And I am getting a much needing break and helping hand with raising them. Such a much needed summer vacay in the beautiful city of Chicago.

Aye... Being a single mother of two is hard. True I'm not the typical definition of single as I do have a man but because he travels for work I am here with these heathens every single day and it is a lot of work. Neither of my children go to school because I have had a really flexible job that allowed me to work from home but now that I added a new project to the mix I really see just what hard work is. I miss the ability to go to sleep and wake up whenever I wanted. When my son was first born I would try to get as much done while he rested but now I try to shut my eye when he shuts his eye and I'm 100% never successful because my daughter is always calling my got dog name. What could possibly need right this second when I'm trying to nap child? My son is only a few months old so he wakes up through the night to eat and be changed so there is no "dead to the bed" deep sleeping allowed. What's the secret and whoever knows it, just tell me, do y'all ...

My daughter just turned four and I have been homeschooling her since she was a wee little lad. It was all fun and games at first. When she one saying her letters, two saying her numbers and three spelling her name. But now at four, she is saying way more than needs to be said. Today she asked me "Am I going to be doing this forever" and then after a wap to the lips she formed her mouth to say "I don't feel like writing my letters." Why does she talk so damn much? Why can't she love to learn like when she was a little baby? And then my questions make an aboutface... Who made me the school teacher? Why isn't she in school? Why can't I afford to put her in school when I work almost everyday? Man I need answers and government damn assistance because homeschooling a 4 year old is NOT the move! 

Love. I want it. We all want some kind of love, in some form of fashion. But what kind of love do we deserve If love had to be reciprocated Based on how much you participated What kind of love would you be getting if it were dependent on the kind of love you are giving Love. I want it. I want the kind of love where he could do no wrong. Not only in my eyes, because those may be hidden behind rose colored glasses I want the ones around me to see that he is right where he belongs Love. I want to be stupid in love, but... I don't wanna be stupid anymore Maybe I want to be crazy in love But not the kind of love that makes you act crazy I mean I just want to fall deep and love hard But I don't want to fall into any hardships in our relationship I want it to press on, to endure So maybe I want tough love... given to me by a gentle giant Oh how I've always loved light skinned ball players... That puppy love But trust I'm done with the dogs I want th...

Almost two weeks ago I turned 30 years of age. I didn't plan to do anything to celebrate for a number of reasons but mainly because I had a child one month ago. I was able to have a nice children free dinner with my man which was nice but just turning another year is celebration enough especially coming from the city currently known as Chiraq. I hate that word, although it was created in pure truth, it is still ignorant to no avail and 50% the people glorifying the name are outsiders laughing far away from the dangers of Chicago and the other 50% are the culprits that necessitate the name change. But I digress... I'm 30! I have a girlfriend whose birthday is the same day as mine and she celebrated her "dirty 30" in Miami among family and friends. Another friend who just celebrated her "flirty 30" yesterday and another friend's birthday was two months ago... all these women partied and dance and drank their tumultuous 20's away. But what if turni...

I come to you all humbled and with extreme admiration for women who have more than one child. Wow. I never thought it would be so... I don't want to say hard and scare the women but HARD. Being a mom of two is definitely time and brain consuming. I can think of nothing more than what my toddler needs now and what my newborn will need later. And oh my goodness, to the single mothers out there, you really need a monthly award because I couldn't imagine doing this without the assistance of my man. First off, this pregnancy, this delivery, this second child is NOTHING like the first. My first pregnancy was a breeze, I gained a little baby weight which shed instantly after my natural non complicated delivery because I breastfed for nine months. THIS kid here, smh, pregnancy was a nightmare, I gained all the pounds possible, I had to have an emergency c-section, I could only breastfeed for three weeks and I still have weight that I couldn't possibly blame on the baby because ...

When are you too old for a butt whooping? People. Family. Friends. I am grown. I am not only grown because of my age but I am grown because I have successfully graduated college in four years, I have a create another human almost four years ago, but most effectively I am grown because I do not and have not lived in under the roof of my Mother since I was the tender age of 15. I sent an email to my family and many of them took my words as ungrateful and unappreciative but I am grown as hell as I should be able to tell someone, hell anyone for that matter exactly how I feel about something. I did not know that at the ripe age of 30 I still had to tip toe and sugar coat. Aren't we all adults here? This is what it is and this is what it aint. Now whats up? Like really, people need to get out of their feelings and check my birth certificate because I'm grown. I am not only grown because of my age but lets throw in the fact that you cant whoop me. Just swallow what I said from ...

How can you do so much in a relationship? Give so much. Give your all actually, to someone and they fail to do the same for you. They can't better yet, won't do right by you. Why? Is it so hard to be in a committed relationship? Don't answer that. Answer this: Do all men cheat?

How is there still creeping and secret lives being lived when everything is public knowledge and we ALL live on social media?  You would have to be one cut off from society human being to still be cheated on, to still be creeped on and unknowingly be with someone who has a entire relationship, family, life, separate from the one with you. My bet is that you know girl, you just playing like you don't.  Prolonging the breakup. Concealing the smoke. Breaking every fan in sight.  Excuse me if I have no cares for you, no Kleenex for your lonely teardrop. As women, we have to do better. For ourselves, for our children, for our foundation in society. Who's going to respect us if we don't respect ourselves?   Pause for that.  Even if you don't have children yet, what are you exemplifying to your future? Are you a role model or a doormat? Take less, do more. 

1) Lie about dumb shit, for no reason They could have told the truth but don't want any ill feelings towards them so they lie even about something so small and unnessary because now it's a habit. They can't stop it like an addiction. A ball of mess twirling out of control.  2) Never volunteer information They might tell you... But only if you ask. I mean really though, who would think to ask if you are really telling the truth about something you're already supposed to be telling the truth about? It's a ridiculous situation but the liars feel so justified in neglecting the truth on the basis that they were never asked for it in the first place.  3) Let you do most of the talking  They don't want to incriminate themselves anymore than they already have. They will silence themselves to get their lie in order. You have to ask them a question to get an answer because as we just learned, volunteering is out of the question.  4) Cut their phone off at night This one i...