Because I said so

Last month one of my friends came to town with his new girlfriend in tow. The last time I seen him in my town he was with his ex girlfriend, who because of him, I had become very fond of. We had all went to college together, him, the ex girlfriend and I, but our paths had really never crossed until she began dating him so I'm all on twitter chatting with her and what not, about how I missed her this last visit and how the new girl was totally... unlike her. She begin to laugh of course and tell me how my friend, her ex, would get me if he knew what I was saying to her. But because twitter is so public, I knew that he would see parts of it and think I was taking cheap shots at his new boo so I decided to give him a call and personally tell him how much I didn't think this new girl was for him. Although she was nice... she, to me, was just not his type. Now let me pause this story to ask a very important question: Who the hell am I? Furthermore, who the hell am I to talk about

When your shhh is louder than the person making the initial noise. When you play like the check is not on the table. When you take but never give. When you act like you're hot stuff when you really look like hot shit. When you fall asleep while I'm texting you. When I fall asleep while I'm texting you. When you slam the door like a three year old when you're mad. When you talk on the phone while we're watching a movie. When you become overly obsessed with something that you just found out about yesterday. When you lie for no damn reason. When I am in such a rush that I can only paint my big toe and my second toe since those are the only ones to show in these shoes. When you don't give me my credit. When you don't offer your help. When you talk to me like I'm dumb. When you get into a cold car and blast the "heat." The car has to warm up first fool! When I take my hair down before brushing my teeth. I also get toothpaste on my