Because I said so

Okay class, lets get straight to it. This is Text Message 101 so take out your mobile devices and listen carefully. Rule #1: Keep it light, keep it simple. If you're writing a book, write it! Don't be sending me a broken up seven message story. It's freaking rude first of all and secondly it defeats the purpose of a text message. Merriam-Webster defines a text message as: " a short message sent electronically usually from one cell phone to another." Key word kids: SHORT. #2: Do not use texting for messages that can be misinterpreted. If you get all serious after they have made a joke, don't get mad when they respond with an "LOL," how did they know you switched it up and got touched? Don't text sarcastically or emotionally, the reader will never be able to identify which is which. The emoticon can not replace emotion, your voice is still the key.  #3: If you have a new phone number, identify yourself! Start the message with "Hi thi

Dear People Next Door, No not neighbors, people next door. You all are so rude, loud and ghetto that I am sure the man you are renting the house out from will kick you out on the street where you belong. And clearly the fence that you were banging on that one day when my child and I were trying to take a nap, did not work because instead of keeping you negros inside it,  those bad ass children of yours are always frollicking outside of it. All in our backyard cursing each other out. Who in the world knew a kid, who looks all of six years old could have a rotten mouth like that!? But then again, her mother, who I have seen way more of than I need to, isn't the Saint that she could be. I heard her pot mouth only after seeing her hind parts as she exited the car one sunny day. Too bad her pants were a size two small otherwise if they were too big I am sure to have seen more than pay per view allows. Please keep your domestic situations under control because my daughter and I

Hey friends, I need some new friends. Some new people to follow on twitter, a new book for my Kindle, some new blogs to read, you know... some new shit. You know what I mean. I am very much enjoying my life with my family but these friends of mine... they need a facelift fast! My ride of dies are in Chicago and I don't frequent the city enough to have their presence keep a lasting impression. My college girls are all around the Midwest but they are too rich for my blood, always trying to vacate somewhere. I only have a handful of Atlanta friends (who are not from Atlanta) but I be so tied up with  my little plum face that I don't even have time for them. I need to put out an ad or get on one of those mommy websites so I can find a person my age, with my schedule and a crawling kid like mine and set up a play date. Now if y'all don't hear from me in about a month, call them folks!!!

Why do you think I love you less just because I forgot your birthday? Look, I'm sorry that my Mother raised us in a household where birthdays and holidays don't run our world. To my Mother, every day is an opportunity to show her that we love and appreciate her. Do the dishes before she asks you to, it's Mother's Day. Do the dishes before she gets home from work and it is now her very own Christmas day. It doesn't take much to please my Mother and it shouldn't take much to please you! Sure, I thought your birthday was today instead of yesterday, sue me. There are people that I am weeks and even months off. And believe it or not, there are some people who I have no earthly clue, one being my best friend Lakendra, but don't tell her... because she already knows. I miss it every year but she knows that I love her no less. It's just not my thing. Birthdays, monies and telephone numbers... actually numbers in whole. I'm a words person. So here is

I am learning so much about myself now that I am a mother of a beautiful baby girl. I am trying to identify my attributes and my flaws so that I will know what to and what not to teach my child. She may be growing faster than I am learning these important things about myself but she is also helping me grow. It takes a very strong woman to raise a son but it takes an even stronger one to raise a daughter. Some people may think this task is an easy one but for an unwed, under appreciated and unemployed woman, it is the hardest thing in the world to attempt to teach your daughter the importance of being married, of having personal and financial success although you don't quite have those things. We as parents, regardless of what we have been through have to teach our children the fundamentals of life. But we mothers must inform the future mothers of the world, our daughters, the sacred bond and necessity of marriage and monogamy, of love within oneself, of the focus and dedicatio