Tutorial: How to have a successful Movie Date

It has come to my attention that people think movie dates are good introduction dates... surprise, they are not! You can't see your date (it's dark), you can't talk to your date (it's quiet) and if you do any of the following things you probably won't see another movie with them.

This is step by step guide on how to have a successful movie date. Action!

- Do not pick the movie. Do not let me pick the movie. Lets make a random selection or mutually agree because 70% of the time I'm going to want to see a sappy love story and you're gonna wanna see a bloody action movie so lets just go with a comedy.

- Don't try to cheat the system while I am in attendance. Buying one adult ticket and one child thinking you're so smart and so slick when you're only so cheap and so busted because I won't corroborate when them people's stop us at the desk.

- Always offer something from the concession stand even if you just came from or will be going to dinner afterwards, it's just the courteous thing to do.

- If we are the second couple to walk into a theater that holds 500 people, don't pick the seats in the very first row or the two seats in the very last row. That's dumb! Lets sit in the middle of the theater in the middle of the row: perfect seats!

- When I ask for nachos, cheese AND green peppers from the concession stand don't get me nachos and cheese. Where are my green peppers!?! Back down 75 steps you go.

- Always sit to the opposite side of her writing hand because the writing hand side is always going to be the comfortable side. So grab her non writing hand and make her lean on you.

- Please excuse yourself at least once before, during or after the show so we can do our final texts before committing long hours to you.

- Do offer up your jacket. Even though we knew it would be cold in the theater we wanted to look good for you so please help out ... burr!

- Definitely no talking on the phone while the movie is showing. The indiscreet repetition of you whispering that you're in the movie theater warrants an instant teeth grind and eye roll from me. I would have preferred you just text the person.

- But please don't hold a full text conversation. The screen light takes my attention away from the big screen and if, after just texting a storybook, you ask me what just happened I'm going to say (in my smartest tone) "You should have been paying attention."

- Don't try the yawn and stretch move because it's old and played out. Just move the arm rest and let me migrate on my own.

- When conversing with your date... Shut Up! This is a movie not a autobiography. I can care less about you at this point, I'm trying to watch the movie.

- Don't be so enthralled in the movie that you are the only one cracking up at a super lame part, leave that for the privacy of your own home. Only chuckle when others chuckle.

- All the good movies are never romantic so don't be trying to kiss me while someone is getting chopped to reeses pieces, now is just not the time man.

-Do Not, I repeat Do Not talk to me after watching intently to the movie with you ears open and your mouth closed because whenever you do choose to open your mouth the smell will make me want to vomit. Any silly rabbit knows that breath stinks after little to no use. Keep mints handy!

- If the movies were our last stop don't try to come sit in my car and talk afterwards... I just spent an hour plus with you, I need time to evaluate how good or how bad you did so I can call my mom, roommate or best friend and talk about you. Dialouge should go: "So I had a great time, thank you for walking me to my car, (goodnight hug then say) goodnight!"

- Oh you thought it was over? Don't call or text me when you got to your car either, that is soooo stalker. See ya when I see ya, you've just failed this movie date quiz.