Retail Weirdness vol.1

Working in retail, I get to see a lot of strange things.
This prompted me to start a series entitled Retail Weirdness.
So in this weeks Retail Weirdness we are exposing Shoplifters.

I have a super awesome Store Manager who is actually about to quit his great paying job with us and take a yucky paying job as a cop in a county ass hick town just because he's always wanted to be a cop, but anyway he's always ready to catch shop lifters in the store.

Lately I have been noticing that a lot of women that steal tend to steal a lot of men clothing and at first I used to think they were dumb, getting caught stealing a shirt and tie for your man to go to court tomorrow. His court date that you won't be able to see him off to because you'll be behind bars for stealing something he could have borrowed. Bet he won't be in there stealing an outfit for you when your court date comes around.

A lot of these women steal really expensive name brand items for their man, things that they would never be able to afford normally and then it finally hit me... they steal stuff they would not normally buy. All name brand, really stanky or rare items that they would not spend their hard earned money on. People would rather spend their hard earned money on themselves so they take that chance and steal for others which is sooo dumb.

If you're going to steal something, think it all the way out first. Steal something super expensive not South Pole and Disney so when you get caught you can't say through tears "I'm sorry, I don't want to go to jail. Can I just buy the stuff" because then it would make you look stupid because you had the money you just thought you wouldn't get caught stealing. Which in turns makes the people at the store mad because you thought they were too stupid to catch you.

If you're going to steal something, make sure it's not something that you would be embarrassed about stealing IF you happen to be caught. Like skank undies, a shirt with a lot of curse words on it or Beyonce butt pads. Furthermore don't decide to steal when you're out with the family shopping because when you get caught we have to call your whole family in the room to show them what you were stealing and that pink lace thong with the lips on the crotch just might not be whats up to grandma.

If you're going to steal something, don't bring attention to yourself. You're supposed to be incognito so don't loose focus on what you're doing by bringing your cry baby son or you're loud mouth daughter because that will make people look at you. Some of those people may be employees and if you are seen with a little yellow tag sticking out of your child's stroller or better yet from under your shirt, consider yourself caught.

We once had shoplifters that lost $100. They of course had to put all of their stolen merchandise down so they could ask employees to help them find their missing funds... as if they were going to use it to buy the merchandise. Then had to nerve to ask for a manager to roll the tape back because they thought an employee had picked up their money. Only for my ignorant store manager to say "yeah we could roll the tape back but we would see you all putting back the concealed merchandise so you can walk out of here free and minus $100 or we can run the tape and you can walk into Morrow P.D., their outside by the way." Needless to say the tape was never ran back.

Lastly people, if you're going to steal something, make sure the getaway car is properly functioning. Don't have someone sitting in the fire zone in front of the store coming to pick you up because that's an automatic no-no for our store "security" so you're guilty until proven innocent if you get into that car. In by which time my store manager is already in his truck reading to chase you right into Morrow P.D. Gotta love cops, it makes everyone wanna chase the bad guys.

Anyway this concludes our first of what I am sure to be many series entitled Retail Weirdness. As someone once told me: If you're gonna be wrong, you gotta be strong. Until next time...