How to be treated, not cheated

Barbara this is Shirley [Siri play Shirley Brown -Woman to woman ]

No one wants to be cheated on. True or False? 

Everyone wants to be loved. True or False?

Everyone has different definitions of love. True or False?

The dictionary defines love as an intense feeling of deep affection. But we all know there are drastically different feelings that define the same word. The love I feel for my kids is felt in my heart and soul. The love I feel for my man is centered around my mind and my genitalia. When you get old enough, love is almost synonymous with monogamy. And that's a whole new beast.

When you’re in a committed relationship, you’re looking for someone who can fully love you. Whatever your definition entails you want someone to love you equal to or better than. If you don’t feel that the love you are giving is not being reciprocated you may result to some unhealthy actions. Facing reality and your understandable disappointment is the first step in making yourself available for true love, avoiding fake love. An affair is something I would classify as fake love.

Affairs are intoxicating because they're built on brief encounters and their entirely free from daily demands that primary relationships entail. But the problem with starting an affair is that you can’t always control emotional attachments when bodily fluids mix. It’s kinda like adding alcohol to an equation ... you loose control, but it’s not just about the ounce of body chemicals, it’s about the drops of emotions, honesty, spontaneity and vulnerability that make this potion so lethal.

Married sex, for some feels like an obligation. Even if you’re mad at this person you’re forced to lay with them every single night. It becomes your mundane reality. While an affair is a new adventure that you actually want to have, something new with someone new. But what if an affair, or just the urge to have one, could be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy, wants and needs. Maybe even the realization of losing the one you love was the scary detour that leads you back on the right track.

Marriage is also a legal arrangement, ladies and gents. When you get married, the state is now involved in your relationship and any relationship you may accrue. In the case of adultery, there can be added legal risks that wouldn’t otherwise exist in a non-married situation. Did you know that adultery is actually illegal in many places? Sleeping with someone else’s spouse is not only considered a crime in the Bible but also in 21 U.S. states. 

In most states it’s only a misdemeanor punishable by a fine, while in others it could subject you to up to four years in prison. In Idaho, Massachusetts, Michigan, Oklahoma, and Wisconsin, adultery is a felony. Scholars deem adultery bad because it is "polluting the bloodline of a family" and could "turn the inheritance away from his own blood, to that of a stranger." So of course that's the white version, but what about the black version? You're demeaning your wife, humiliating your husband, embarrassing your kids and introducing the risk of diseases and bastard children. Is the fake love worth it? Are you really missing something that you don't have or are you no longer interested in finding it in your mate?

No Barbara wants to get Shirley's call, blowing up their fantasy. Yet everyone wants what they don’t have. Always wanting more, bigger, better. The food on someone else plate always looks tastier. The grass in someone else lawn always looks greener. Just the fact that “they” have it equates to something to want. But lest we not forget that what goes up must come down... you were once super interested in the same person you are now cheating on. Review where it went wrong, redig up all those old feelings and find ways to make them new again. Rekindle the flame and nourish it instead of dousing it with great value water. And that's word, woman to woman.