Five Things that get talked about too late in the relationship

So, 

How are yall's Instagram perfect relationships going? How did it fair during Quarantine, through The New Year and now that we back outside? Did you decide you couldn't live with them, or did you recognize you couldn't live without them? If you answered the first, I'd say you knew where the issues lied, you just have to admit to seeing the signs and hiding your eyes. 

Let’s work on keeping it real with ourselves so that we know how to keep it real with others. Have these tough talks, we are about to embark on, and actually listen for the response instead of listening to respond. I have come to realize that there are a few important things that should have been discussed earlier in this here relationship. 

Five things actually, that gets talked about too late! 

Lets chat: 

5. Munchkin, how is your relationship with your mother? 

Believe it or not, a Woman's relationship with her mother is more important than a Mans, although Women may not see the relevance. It's a doozy being in a relationship with a Mama's boy. Nothing that Woman can do will ever fair in comparison to that Man's Mother. And don't let Ms. Darlene dislike you, baybay, you won't last very long at all. She gone be mistakenly calling you the old girl's name, setting up family dinner during date night. A Mother's suffocating obsession with her son is the opposite spectrum of a mother’s disconnect with her daughter. A Woman's poor relationship with her mother could result in her not knowing how to show love and compassion, not knowing how to properly take care of a household or a family. If a Man has lost his mother, he may be looking for his Woman to fill in the maternal gaps, which may be overbearing. This leads us to the next very important conversation. 

4.  Hey gorgeous, can we define gender roles in relationships?

We are rarely aware of what our underlying assumptions and expectations are when it comes to gender roles because they are learned from family and guided by culture and beliefs. When you get more serious in a relationship and a conflict appears, you must assess the situation to ensure it is not caused by our hidden expectations that we've probably never discussed with ourselves, let alone our partners. Do you believe that only women wash the dishes and tend to the internal household chores such as laundry and cooking? Do you believe that only men take out the trash and tend to the external household chores such as lawn mowing and vehicle maintenance? What if the man is a chef and the woman is an electrician? What if the woman is the breadwinner and the man has a stay-at-home business? Now who gone fold this laundry?

3. Sweetie, have you ever had an STD?

This is such an awkward topic but easily more important than uncomfortable. I was once met with a note that said Dear Fool, you may have been exposed to an STD dealing with this other fool, so report to this clinic and provide this card. You never know how to act in that situation until it's upon you. It forces you to now have serious conversations, honest conservations because this could possibly be life or death. And if you were anything like me, you would have to have this conversation with the other person you were dealing with. Someone that may not have ever known you were dealing with another person but for once, prompted by a scare, openly spoke about who we were dealing with, what we might have been exposed to and how we would prevent this from happening in the future. Even the scare of an STD should make you move differently in the future. That conversation was had way too late, as it is super important, but doesn't apply to everyone therefore, not as important as this next one.

2. Doll face, what is your definition of cheating?

Is flirting cheating? Are emoji responses on social media cheating? Is keeping a cordial relationship with your ex preparing you to cheat? Are too many friends of the opposite sex encouraging you to cheat? What is the boundary and how close are you to crossing it? I personally think that flirting is healthy, as long as you know when and where to draw the line. I think that having a mixture of friends and being able to spend time with you friends outside of your relationship is necessary for self-preservation and personal identity. Too much freedom could definitely allow agitation and invite infidelity, but those clarifying guidelines need to be discussed early on. 

1. Hey Handsome, how do you handle money? 

Not just your money, but more importantly how do you handle my money. I am the type of female who would treat your money as my own, if I wouldn't spend my money on it, I wouldn't want you to. Not all people are like me, that's for damn sure. Honey dip, is your account in the negative right now? Does a mysterious charge always happen to appear in your account as the exact moment that you get some money for something else? Does your person always seem to need help with gas to get to work, but can always scrape up just enough to hang out with the guys? How do you handle your money? Can I trust you with the rent? Do you set a reminder to pay your bills or are they set to autopay? Do you have multiple accounts and backup cards or are you thuggin everything off that semi-trusty SunTrust? Are you the friend that can help another friend out of a jam and not be jammed up because of it? Are you paying your bills and taking care of your mother’s bills? Do you have an ex-girlfriend that still has access to your accounts and randomly transfers lump sums of money out because she's used to it? How you handle money might just be the conversation at the dinner table of our first date because... matter fact, pull out them Bank Statements... 

Cousins, have these conversations, have them often and have them early. 

Simply, Because I said so. 

And also, because your upcoming healthy relationship depends on it.