My Secret

I need to get my power back.

The lack of power that had me creeping out of the dorms, walking six blocks to my car at six o'clock in the morning.

I have lost my power. Me! Of all people. 

Earlier that day in fear of my power, or lack thereof, I reacted out of weakness, out of the unknown.

Let me fill yall in to the whole story. My boyfriend's a business major, I'm a journalist. He asked for my help on a paper he had due the next day... (procrastinators), so I go and help him to the best of my ability without erasing everything he'd previously written and making the paper my own.

Now it's time for him to go to work, and I stay behind to finish enhancing his paper. Some hour or so later, I get bored, take some pictures of myself and my new hair do with his computer camera. After looking at them later with a fresh eye, I no longer liked them, so I delete them and to make sure they were gone for good I went to the trash bin.

Now I usually don't do this, but for some reason I went into his trash bin and saw a whole bunch of stuff I didn't like. Soooooo I erased all of his deleted documents by emptying his computer trash and didn't think twice about it. Then I dozed off until he got off of work.

Fast forward a couple of hours to when I jumped up out of my sleep to find my boyfriend hard at work on his paper. I look at the clock and gasp. "I need to go move my car, I gotta go," I said. See he lives on campus and I was parked in an area that is most definitely a tow zone after 3 a.m. so he offers to go move my car to a safer lot so I could continue sleeping.

How sweet right? Well 30 minutes later he comes strolling in so I wake back up and ask him why he took so long (f.y.i. I was worried but I was fell asleep worrying, lol). He said he couldn't find a lot that looked safe enough so he parked six blocks away on a residential street. Fine with me, I'd rather walk six blocks than be begging my momma for $65 to get my car out of the tow yard. So I thank him and start to go back to sleep (seeing as though I had to be back up for work at 6 a.m.) but I couldn't sleep because he was mumbling something about not being able to find his other paper that he had finished before I got there.

I start to get up, thinking "uh oh I erased his paper," and after 10 minutes of searching, it turned out that I did. And all the kings women and all the kings men couldn't put humpty together again... a.k.a. my face was broken. I felt like such a disgrace to my father, who I thought taught me so well, but now obviously not because I let a boy take my power and to conclude I deleted the paper that he worked so hard on by himself. I was salty!

Being the responsible adult I am, I convinced him to go to sleep and promised him that I would take care of everything. I spent the next two hours rewriting his paper, then left thirty minutes afterward to go to my place and get dressed for work. He offered more than once to get out of his bed to go get my car but I was still mad at myself for deleting his paper so I declined, thinking about how I would write this blog about the lack of power that had me creeping out of the dorms and walking six blocks to my car at six o'clock in the morning.