Remodeling

So I just broke up with my ex boyfriend... (don't ask questions just groove with me) because he said I was disrespectful.
So I run to my untraditional boyfriend to get a clearer understanding then he agrees that I am disrespectful at times. I never knew I could be such a thing. I'm a grown woman! Who can I disrespect but old women?

The very next day I'm slick talking (as usual) and my untraditional boyfriend gets really upset at me and I am totally floored. Wowee maybe I am just as terrible as boyfriend #1 was saying. Actually all of my boyfriends say I'm terrible. One guy actually called me the devil. I was in high school then... maybe I have gotten worse?

I will never find a man on this route.
How can I fix myself?
Times like this make me think of my mother for some reason.

I hated her husband, my sister closest in age did too. We knew he wasn't good for her. She stayed with him for as long as she could. They are divorced now. They would have been sooner if she would have listened to us, listened to our feelings of him, of how he treated us and treated her. But people have to see for themselves. She would always ask why we didn't like him, but never listened for our answer. Thank goodness he is gone now.

Why don't people listen?

My best friend has been telling me for years that I am a bit much. He is always there to hear my problems and have my back but he never forgets to tell me when I am wrong and what I should change. When will I listen to him?

I want to make my best friend proud of me. I want to change for him.
I want to make my boyfriend(s) happy to have such a great catch... I want to change for them.
But I know, I know I should want to change for me.

Comments

J Soul Da Genius said…
"How can I fix myself?" Someone may think you're just fine. . . But oh well. . . maybe someone is being trained instead of training. . .
September 9, 2009 at 6:56 AM
Because I Said So said…
Someone who does not know me may think I'm just fine. And everyone needs a little training once in a while... how else do you expect to secure a better
'job?"
September 9, 2009 at 3:23 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being an old souled Mother to this new generation of kids

Image
My preteen daughter called me bruh the other day. Lets let that sit there for a minute.  Okay so scene: She was fussing via text at me about having phone screen time on the weekend. That its not fair because she is the only one with it, when all she wants to do is play group chat games with her little raggedy tail friends. For those of you who don't know: screen time is a feature embedded into your updated iPhone and apple devices, used to monitor the way you use your device. You can use screen time to get information about what you and your family members spend time on your devices, which apps and websites you use, how often you pick up your device, in a given day or even hour. You can also schedule time away from your screen, set time limits for certain app usage and block calls from certain people during certain times. So now that you know what her issue is, now hear my issue: I wouldn't care if she was talking to a family member at 11:58pm... once that Midnight screen time
Finish Reading here

Tunnel Vision

Last week a fellow journalist died in a car accident. A lot of people at my job knew him as a kid from SIUC who died in that terrible accident the other day but I actually knew that kid, Ryan Rendleman. I went to school with him, I worked with him at the school newspaper and most times I talked about him on the phone with my girlfriend because that Rendleman was truly a trip.  His passing made me realize how quickly our lives can be taken away from us and how I really haven't done much to contribute to society, or to my obituary if I were to die today.  When I hear about someone my age or younger being pregnant, getting married or doing something that I would consider a grown up act, I gawk at how advanced they are, in a negative way, when I should really be getting just like them because life is so short!  I am in my early 20's, just graduated from college, have never lived out of Illinois, have never smoked, don't have any tattoos, interesting piercings or children.  This
Finish Reading here

In Thickness and in Health

Image
One nice hot summer day, as you're minding your own business, sitting on the couch twiddling your braids between your fingers, listening to a little r&b, your favorite cousin calls to tell you that she is getting married next year and she would love for you to be her Maid of Honor.  You hop up, yelling Congratulations, OMGee of course I will favorite cousin, I would do anything for you! Thank you so much for choosing me! Where do we start!?  She calmly says, "I'm so glad to hear you say that favorite cousin, because in order to fit the dress I have in mind, you'll have to lose 40 pounds."  The music seems to abruptly stop. Your smile slowly turns to a frown. You plop yo fat ass back down and what, might I ask, comes out of your mouth next?  Lets consider the situation: this particular family member, this cousin whom you revere as a sister, whom you fully frontal bear hug and rock side to side with upon arrival and Color Purple slow hand clap when the two of yo
Finish Reading here