Because I said so

Okay class, lets get straight to it. This is Text Message 101 so take out your mobile devices and listen carefully. Rule #1: Keep it light, keep it simple. If you're writing a book, write it! Don't be sending me a broken up seven message story. It's freaking rude first of all and secondly it defeats the purpose of a text message. Merriam-Webster defines a text message as: " a short message sent electronically usually from one cell phone to another." Key word kids: SHORT. #2: Do not use texting for messages that can be misinterpreted. If you get all serious after they have made a joke, don't get mad when they respond with an "LOL," how did they know you switched it up and got touched? Don't text sarcastically or emotionally, the reader will never be able to identify which is which. The emoticon can not replace emotion, your voice is still the key.  #3: If you have a new phone number, identify yourself! Start the message with "Hi thi...

Dear People Next Door, No not neighbors, people next door. You all are so rude, loud and ghetto that I am sure the man you are renting the house out from will kick you out on the street where you belong. And clearly the fence that you were banging on that one day when my child and I were trying to take a nap, did not work because instead of keeping you negros inside it,  those bad ass children of yours are always frollicking outside of it. All in our backyard cursing each other out. Who in the world knew a kid, who looks all of six years old could have a rotten mouth like that!? But then again, her mother, who I have seen way more of than I need to, isn't the Saint that she could be. I heard her pot mouth only after seeing her hind parts as she exited the car one sunny day. Too bad her pants were a size two small otherwise if they were too big I am sure to have seen more than pay per view allows. Please keep your domestic situations under control because my daughter and I ...

Hey friends, I need some new friends. Some new people to follow on twitter, a new book for my Kindle, some new blogs to read, you know... some new shit. You know what I mean. I am very much enjoying my life with my family but these friends of mine... they need a facelift fast! My ride of dies are in Chicago and I don't frequent the city enough to have their presence keep a lasting impression. My college girls are all around the Midwest but they are too rich for my blood, always trying to vacate somewhere. I only have a handful of Atlanta friends (who are not from Atlanta) but I be so tied up with  my little plum face that I don't even have time for them. I need to put out an ad or get on one of those mommy websites so I can find a person my age, with my schedule and a crawling kid like mine and set up a play date. Now if y'all don't hear from me in about a month, call them folks!!!

Why do you think I love you less just because I forgot your birthday? Look, I'm sorry that my Mother raised us in a household where birthdays and holidays don't run our world. To my Mother, every day is an opportunity to show her that we love and appreciate her. Do the dishes before she asks you to, it's Mother's Day. Do the dishes before she gets home from work and it is now her very own Christmas day. It doesn't take much to please my Mother and it shouldn't take much to please you! Sure, I thought your birthday was today instead of yesterday, sue me. There are people that I am weeks and even months off. And believe it or not, there are some people who I have no earthly clue, one being my best friend Lakendra, but don't tell her... because she already knows. I miss it every year but she knows that I love her no less. It's just not my thing. Birthdays, monies and telephone numbers... actually numbers in whole. I'm a words person. So here is ...

I am learning so much about myself now that I am a mother of a beautiful baby girl. I am trying to identify my attributes and my flaws so that I will know what to and what not to teach my child. She may be growing faster than I am learning these important things about myself but she is also helping me grow. It takes a very strong woman to raise a son but it takes an even stronger one to raise a daughter. Some people may think this task is an easy one but for an unwed, under appreciated and unemployed woman, it is the hardest thing in the world to attempt to teach your daughter the importance of being married, of having personal and financial success although you don't quite have those things. We as parents, regardless of what we have been through have to teach our children the fundamentals of life. But we mothers must inform the future mothers of the world, our daughters, the sacred bond and necessity of marriage and monogamy, of love within oneself, of the focus and dedicatio...

I am friends with enough men to know that they hate getting the "we need to talk" text because they always perceive that to mean that they have done something wrong, when in fact that is not always the case. Men, I would like to let you in on a little secret... against the wishes of my female counterparts, but what the hey: Here is the reason why women send vague text messages. Women have a specific reason behind every single teeny weeny, itsy bitsy mundane action that they do. Let's focus specifically on those vague and alarming text messages. The "we need to talk" text or the "wn2t txt" as I call it, is sent to get your mind racing on what you did, what you could have done, what you used to do and what you will do as a result of this upcoming conversation. Women like to send those texts when you are not around, when we have not spoken to you in a few days or ideally when we are on good terms. Sending the wn2t txt when you two are on bad terms wil...

Tampico Tampico: That distinct mixture of cheap orange drink flavor and hella sugar that only a hood kid would love. Try it some times, it is really good My daughter's stinky toes: I don't know how a person so little could have toe jam so serious but I pick her little stubby toes clean everyday and I enjoy it The smell of a banana peel: I really enjoy the scent of a just eaten banana peel just laying around my room. It is so delicious smelling An old school blackberry: You know the one, the big square one with the scroll on the side. Dang I wish those were back in style. Maybe I can resurrect them... nah nevermind I have an iPhone and if you don't have an iPhone... well you know the rest.  Patterns: My closet holds an abundance of pastel colored flower shirts. My roommate says that I dress like an old lady but I think the style is more earthy and calming Firm over soft: A brand new firm pillow I would squeeze and love to death. I would take a firm couch o...

I used to have a best friend I have no clue where she went Maybe I went somewhere and she is frantically looking for me I doubt it because even though I am where I am, when I am where she is I look for her so if we were both looking for each other we should have found each other by now right? But we haven't We've only managed to make ourselves farther and f a r t h e r apart We used to be so close I don't love her any less or at least I don't think I do but I do miss her and I am upset that we've let our relationship come to this distant almost non existent path Maybe I should call more maybe I should email her, send her a letter, maybe just shoot her a text Is it my pride that won't let me do it because I feel as if she should be calling me Maybe she feels the same way Now calling...

Man you guys, my daughter is getting so big. It's unreal. I mean I knew it would happen but how does it happen so fast. She is so alert, so busy, so greedy. I only wish my family could be around every day to see her evolving into this little lady. I said I would never live in Chicago again but my daughter not being around my family is really tearing me up. There shall be changes made real soon. Stay tuned.

Today was the last day of Boot Camp. I am happy yet every time I outwardly proclaim my happiness I feel that I should be ashamed of myself. Only a fat and lazy person would be happy that their strenuous yet very beneficial workout regimine is over. That class really did a lot for me. It was my first time working out since being pregnant my first child and it was my first time away from my daughter since she was born. I attended four of the six weeks, which was eight of the eleven classes. And from those eight hour long classes I lost 4.6 lbs, 3.5 inches off my waist and 7 inches from my hips. I didn't join boot camp to loose weight so I am pleased with those 4 lbs, I joined boot camp to drop this baby flab, tone these muscles and fit back into my pre-baby jeans. And by golly dropping those 7 inches from my hips definitely did the trick. I am so amped about that because a person like me, who eats whatever, whenever went half ass in a hard core fitness class and still got results...

Which heart are you? Valentines Day is days away so the stores have been filled with the usual red, pink and white cards, candies, bags and bears. What is a little new (to me at least) is the abundance of the color black. What is not surprising is that the selection of masculine Valentines Day items are in major demand and sell out way faster than the pinkest of the pink items. Now that of course is because of two main reasons: The women gifts come in a much heavier shipment and men buy gifts at the very last minute. That is the few men who don't dump their girlfriends before the "holiday." Bet you didn't know this my faithful Chicago friends, Sweetest Day (or Sweeties Day as I call it) is not known outside of the midwest. Yep, me and all my Chicago friends were at work saying Happy Sweetest Day and these Georgian's had no clue what we were talking about. Sweetest Day was founded October 8, 1921 in Cleveland, Ohio by Herbert Birch Kingston who was a local c...

There are many things that make up a good woman. I believe these five C's are the Cream of the Crop, pun intended. 1. Cook , said the woman who doesn't know how to cook. I love the idea of cooking and I know men do too. I would love to learn how to cook and I will, as soon as I get my own place because I damn sure ain't burning down someone else's pad. I once improperly cooked a frozen pizza... as an adult! But that's neither here nor there. Every woman should know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. 2. Clean. We all know that men are messy and lazy so a woman who is messy and lazy would only result in a house full of mold, funk and insects. Clean the dishes after you cook, make the bed every morning, wash and fold the clothes ... if that ain't a catch I don't know what is. 3. Cheese. This one is an easy one for me because I love to smile. There are so many things to smile about. You being pleasant will put him in a ...

We go through lessons in life to build us into this better, smarter, wiser more experienced person but sometimes we fall victim to stupidity that blocks ourselves from taking that lesson and turning it into the learning experience. For instance, if you are in a bad relationship with someone who you KNEW were bad for you in the get go, the lesson should be to try until you can try no more, go through the rough and ugly breakup, hurt... TERRIBLY and learn from the mistake of choosing to date someone that you KNEW were wrong from jump street. Learn from the mistake of going hard for someone who were not going hard for you or your relationship. Learn from the rough and ugly breakup that you should never leave yourself that vulnerable. Learn from the time spent that you could have been doing so many other things with your life and since you're not getting any younger, make the best out of your life while you are young and beautiful. That's what SHOULD have happened and from that you...

How has computers replaced tvs, ipads replaced computers, cell phones replaced alarm clocks, ipods replaced radios and texting has replaced talking... But I have not replaced you?

I've had a few relationships in my life and if you haven't figured out from that statement alone, I've had a few break ups as well. Now I am in no way an expert at relationships (because if I were I would be married right now), but I am a journalist and a I have a male best friend so I'm pretty well informed. Well enough to ensure you that there are five sure fire breakup rules and if you don't stick to them you may not only loose your man, but your sanity as well. DON'T SEEM PITIFUL , even if you are dying inside, singing love songs, kissing old photographs of him, digging for his clothes just to bury your nose in, keep that between you and those clothes. Try not to answer his calls on the first vibrate and definitely don't blow up his line either. The less contact the better, never let him see you sweat. Never let anyone see you sweat for that matter. KEEP UP A GOOD FRONT . Those nosey neighbors don't need to see you throwing his clothes out of the ups...

Lisa and I ditched boot camp today. Not only because we didn't have baby sitters, but because, and I will go ahead and speak for myself on this one, when I am mad about something, it is hard for me to do anything other than be mad. I am away from my daughter twice a week and it is for a great cause, my one hour hard core fitness class. My father babysits my daughter on Thursday nights when I go to class and my boyfriend's father babysits her on Saturday mornings when I go. The first Thursday went well. It was just my daughter and my Dad. Second week, it was my daughter, my Dad and his baby mama. Umm, side eye but okay. Third week we skipped because Mallory and I were in Chicago but week four... (deep sigh) week four would have been my daughter, my Dad, his baby mama AND my fresh out of the hospital baby sister. Key words: Would have been. I couldn't let this go on any longer. One add on is quite enough but two, and then next week three and you know where I'm headed. Now...

Do you like to argue? Do you think that being silent in an heated discussion is better than going back and forth in an argument? Being silent in an heated discussion can help dissolve the issue because there is no back and forth commentary. No comment for them to prolong the conversation or get more angry at you for saying out of anger. My best friend believes that being silent in an argument would only make him more angry because the point of an "argument" is being able to say what's on your chest and allowing (or not allowing) the other person to do the same. Arguing is nothing but a headache. A good debate however is right up my alley because I (like most women) think that I am always right so I like to know why you think the way you do. But a long drawn out shout fest... you can have that crap man. I will zip my lips, roll my eyes and take the L because it is not worth my serenity nor my sanity. When in an argument I feel that the best thing to say is nothing at all

I am a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason." The problem is figuring out what that reason is and why it is happening to you at that particular time. There are many obstacles that have appeared in my life in the past three years that probably would have never came about had I stayed on the beaten path. But who follows the rules nowadays? It is truly when you step out of line to do your own little two step do you approach a challenge and teach yourself how to tussle. My question now is, how long am I supposed to tussle ?

Man my daughter is growing up at lightning speed. She will be four months in six days and she is already pulling herself up into a sitting position and rolling herself over. She had already been trying to talk and raising her body up from a belly position for a while now. I mean it is truly amazing the growth she has made in such a short period of time. I am both amazed and afraid. Everyone in my family says she is advancing because she is moving out of the way for the next child lol but I really believe that all of the love and attention I give her is paying off. The ability to breastfeed exclusively and be with her all day everyday has been an experience working mothers can only dream about. I am truly blessed to be able to be with her and watch her grow. You all are missing out.

It is mildly disturbing to witness my Mother's interaction with my younger siblings. She was so hard on my sister and I when we were growing up and now she is soooo casual with these two. I mean on one hand I am proud of her for allowing herself to loosen up and be both a friend and a mother but on the other hand, in this year of 2012, you can't be too loosey goosey on these heathens because children are messy. I don't know, maybe I'm low-key jealous because they have such a good relationship. Or maybe I fear that my Mother's kindness is being taken for a weakness when I hear her telling them to do things and them ignoring her. I honestly take it as a form of disrespect and my poor mother, she doesn't even go back and forth with them, she's so worn out. But these kids must stay in line because without guidance, discipline and structure my little teenage sister who looks the same age as me will be in the same boat as me sooner than she should, if you know...